Improper Conduct

But they do say the darndest things!

2011-12-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

At my old job, we conducted sessions where we'd go to a few schools, show the classes a few films and then talk to the kids. I still remember the first session I took at Navy Children School in Colaba. There I was, a clueless just-out-of-college-girl with an intense fear of public speaking (even when most of the public was one-third my height) paired with another almost equally clueless girl who wasn't very sure she even liked children.

But I've come a long way since then. Okay six months. Shut up. But I have learned a few things.

Things the sessions taught me:

1) During the first couple of sessions you conduct when you are completely at sea about what to expect with a partner who's sharing your boat, a kid will fall and scrape his knee, a girl will throw up and a boy will poop his pants.

2) Once Santa Claus interrupts your class, the kids go wild. Unless the games mistress has a whistle.

3) If you can whistle using two fingers, you're officially cool. If you can't whistle, tell them you love dancing but never in public. Apparently that makes you cool too.

4) Children cannot walk into a room that has a projector facing a screen without breaking out into a shadow puppet show.

5) A ninth grade boy will call you Aunty just to mess with your head.

6) Never shake a kid's hand or sign his notebook howmuchever he begs and pleads. His friends will notice and you will be mobbed and end up being stuck in the room for twenty minutes.

7) If you ask first graders why people need the sun, one boy will excitedly raise his hand to answer, jump up and down yelling "Me! Me!" and when picked on will go on to tell everybody how his grandfather died in an accident where a car set his car on fire.

8) When an Australian asks third graders to guess where she's from based on her accent and a boy very sincerely and very innocently asks "Are you lesbian?", it's impossible to stop laughing hysterically without thinking of dead puppies.

God, I'm going to miss those kids.

Title? What title?

2011-12-23T00:30:00.000-08:00

So I just found this post from way back when (okay, August) which I meticulously wrote but then forgot to publish because I probably got distracted just as I was about to update. I have the attention span of a goldfish.

Struggling to open a BEST bus window counts as my daily dose of exercise okay? By the way, why does nobody offer to help? Do they not see how difficult it is? I did it all by myself today and sat there feeling all smug. For about five minutes after which it started to rain. But I had opened that window and dammit it would remain open! So what if the right side of my body was getting soaked? It was the drench of victory! Victory of man over machine. Okay woman over glass and steel or iron or aluminum or whatever that window was made of but still.

Is ignoring work to blog acceptable? What about reaching work late because you couldn't leave home without finishing your book?

Memories of my graduation ceremony make me wish I had a Pensieve. Ultra sleepiness makes me want to have a water balloon fight. Does sleepblogging count as drunkblogging? It should. I get pretty sleepdrunk.

I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 and it was really terrible. But I still sobbed through most of it anyway.

Wearing a convocation robe made me feel like someone straight out of Hogwarts. I strutted across college like Snape and very seriously considered stealing my robe.

My mom knows someone who refuses to carry an umbrella even when it's pouring. He thinks that if cows and dogs and chickens don't need umbrellas to survive the monsoons, neither does he. Why do I not know such interesting people? Mom gets to sit at work and smile at John Abraham while I get to stay back late at work and miss ogling Abhay Deol and Farhan Akhtar.

The City Of Dreams?

2011-12-20T03:35:00.000-08:00

Today, The Times of India had this splashed across the second page.

Excuse Me, Where's My Mumbai?
This city means many things to many people.
City of dreams, financial nerve centre, city that never sleeps, entertainment capital cradle of cricket and much more.
All apt descriptions for sure. But not enough to hide the one question that everyone wants answered but few dare ask.
What about us?
We, the citizens, who live, work, sweat and struggle to give the city its many colourful descriptions? We, with our desperate instinct for survival that's conveniently airbrushed as the "spirit" of the city.
What about a Mumbai where I can simply walk down a street without stepping into something I shouldn't. Or take a long deep breath without being petrified about waking up sick the next morning. Where I can race my kid to the nearest tree. Or commute to work without spending half my working life in traffic. And the other half paying through my nose for a roof above my head.
The truth about Mumbai is also its greatest lie. It's a city that can give us all that we work for but is hard pressed to give us all that we live for.
So there's a Mumbai for business and a Mumbai for careers. There's a Mumbai for entertainment and a Mumbai for investment. There's even a Mumbai for stray dogs and a Mumbai for party animals.
But is there really a Mumbai for me?

I thought it was just me. Just me who's slowly becoming disenchanted by this city I once loved. I used to think this city, my city, was perfect. Now I'm becoming nostalgic for a life I've never lived; for trees instead of concrete, for a home instead of a house, for walks instead of runs, for the quality of life instead of the mundanity of existence.

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

-Shel Silverstein

The fact that I'm hungry has nothing to do with this post.

2011-12-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

I'm a hungry, hungry hippo.

I think travelling by first class for two months spoiled me. I was mildly terrified of the ladies compartment today. Did you know that if you have to get down at Kandivali station, you have to shovepushscratch your way to the door two stations in advance? And then hordes of women invade your personal space and touch you inappropriately? How do people live like this?!

There was a lady clutching the doorway who almost fell off and had to be pulled in by three women. But does she heave a dramatic sigh of relief at her narrow escape and scramble inside the train like a normal person? No, she decides that carrying on hanging from the doorway and laughing like a banshee is a better way to celebrate.

I thought the universe was trying to make me feel better by getting me a rickshaw the moment I stepped out of the station. Then my rickshaw ride turned out to be a religious experience. I don't know what kind of murder-suicide pact my driver had in his head but the only thing I had in mine was "Please don't let me die, please don't let me die, ple - OH MY GOD THAT TRUCK ALMOST CRUSHED MY KNEE - please don't let me die." I swear my hands were shaking as I handed him his fare.

And to top it off, as I was clutching the rod in sheer terror and seriously considering cutting my losses and just jumping out of the vehicle, a man old enough to be my father whistled at me. I officially give up on the suburbs.

Do Suburbs Cause Loss Of Sanity Or Does Loss Of Sanity Cause Suburbs?

2011-11-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

I'm back after a life and a half and Blogger is upto shenanigans. What is with all these fancyschmancy changes? I preferred the old Blogger with its messy clutter. Now it looks too neat and clean looking. I distrust this sort of tidiness. Which is another reason my house always looks like The Wicked Witch of the West decided to cycle through it with a twister in tow.

Speaking of upside-down houses, that's what mine is right now. I moved to the very distant Western Suburbs about a month ago and my house is still full of boxes! The blame for my lack of posts can be shared by my laziness (no it doesn't want to say hello, it's taking a nap) and the fact that I had no internet for a month and a half.

To make myself feel better about living an hour and a half away from my old life, I've become scarily obsessed with decorating my house. No, seriously, I get dreams about it. And then they turn into random nightmares where a clock turns into an Excel sheet and tries to strangle me.

I'm telling you, the suburbs are turning me into a nutjob. As if there weren't enough here to begin with. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a Jain mall. I spent about fifteen minutes stomping around the food court looking for meat and finally discovered that there were only two counters serving chicken; one of which was called The Non-Veg Kitchen which I decided to skip because it looked like it served dodgy pigeon meat instead. Succumbing to the inevitable conclusion of a vegetarian meal, I eureka-ed when I spotted an Italian counter. That feeling quickly went away when I saw that their idea of Italian didn't include either pasta or pizza but just papad with tomatoes and onions. I am never stepping foot in that mall again.

The journey from my house to the nearest station takes a good twenty minutes. On the way, there is a joint called Fooodiiees with exactly that number of vowels.

Once, as I was looking outside the window of my bus, some random guy yelled "Wassup!?" at me.

To fix my chocolate craving, I went to the store near my house to ask if they had Nutella. The attendant nodded enthusiastically and gave me a box of Nutrella, which I'm pretty sure is just some pseudo soy crap pretending to be edible. When I slowly told him I wanted the chocolate spread you apply on bread, he looked at me like I was the crazy person. I was this close to giving up on this place. But last week, I found restaurants that deliver chicken (thank you burrp!) and life is good again.

Do you have any ideas for decorating my new house? Please tell me or I will never think the house looks perfect and I will keep looking up more ideas which will probably lead to recurrent murder-by-home-decor nightmares which will definitely lead to me being declared clinically insane.

Oh also, if you know anywhere I could get cool art prints or you make some yourself, please let me know because I've become obsessed with them. Etsy has great ones but I might have to sell a body part to get a few shipped here.

Another last also, I need to find a large wooden bookshelf. My books are currently lying in boxes and I keep buying more to dull the pain of their homelessness. My old books took up four cartons. Four. After the moving guys tried to convince me to leave some behind and were met with my horror-stricken expression, I think they might have sneakily tried to throw some off my balcony.

But the Weasley home had garden gnomes

2011-07-05T11:53:00.000-07:00

This house hunting business is sucking the soul right out of me. And cleaning the house to reduce the number of things we have to pack is even more frustrating! I get so emotionally attached to random inanimate objects that the pile of crap just keeps getting bigger. This mental instability is definitely genetic. My mom once mourned for an entire day and spent the rest of the week harassing me over a very old stapler I'd taken to college and forgotten to get back.

I don't understand why none of my friends are getting married. Everybody else knows about-to-be-married people. What is wrong with my friends that they harbour absolutely no marital aspirations? Do I have to make shaadi.com profiles for them myself?

I don't think arranged marriages were made for me. First of all I have to be able to tolerate the person enough to not throw a chair at his head. Second, he has to lovingly accept my mental patient status. Also, I've decided I want to marry a Banerjee. What are the chances of getting this three-in-one offer?

Why are people who think social rules are stupid largely called weird? Who makes these rules? Why can't someone go watch a movie alone? Or refuse to carry a cellphone? Why can't grown ups call in bored to work instead of sick and spend the day making blanket forts? Wearing too little makes people go haw; wearing too much makes people go huh. You want to be a writer but you end up making presentations. You should be teaching kids to read and fly kites and instead you're trying to sell fairness creams (and your soul). People should be happy but people want bighuge houses with funparty lives. What to do?

Whenever I start thinking serious thoughts, I look at pictures of donuts (well, almost), think about bubble wrap being sold at Landmark (56 bucks for a roll!) and wonder what everything in existence would look like if it was all in one place. I also think about the three ducks I met and named in Kerala. I wonder how Pondi, Cherry and Vishakapatnam are doing.

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

If you've already watched the video because I forced you to, you can just watch it again because it's worth it okay? Okay.

Pacman is the spawn of Satan. Yeah I said it.

2011-06-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

I got off the bus this morning and the first thing I wanted to do was drop to my knees and kiss the ground for making it out in one piece. People responsible for public transportation should not be allowed to relive their failed childhood dreams of becoming F1 drivers.

I wish they taught us to play Pacman at school. I could really have used the practice. I played all day and I still suck at it. My coworker preferred Angry Birds on her laptop. Would it be unethical if I downloaded Chrome just to play Angry Birds at work?

My Hindi was insulted by a woman at work yesterday who suggested I should switch back to speaking in English since I spoke so slowly in Hindi. I've been pretty proud of my Hindi in recent times so that was a complete slap in the face.

I am such an office klutz. There are these long dangly things on the doorway near the boss's cabin. They look eclectic and pretty and all but every time I walk through that doorway, I get my hair entangled in them. Every single time. And then I have to struggle to disentangle myself trying not to look like a complete idiot all the while hoping my boss or her son don't notice.

And today after I had a serious grown up office talk with my boss's son, I walked into the door on my way out of the room.

I need to carry this bag as a warning to everybody around me.

And you need to listen to this song. (Courtesy Bones)

You're welcome.

Really? REALLY? Really.

2011-06-19T04:40:00.000-07:00

Oh look. I'm just going to blog twice in one day 'cause

Okay so I'm a sucker for tacky songs (I'm South Indian but I don't know what they're saying okay?), terrible (you say terrible, I say hilarious) movies and cheesy reality shows (even I stopped watching that one two years ago).

Judging by the very first episode of Just Dance I watched last night, I'll have to add another reality show to my must-watch list. I love watching dance shows (I'm an award show junkie just because they have so many people dancing *hides face*) and I also love Farah Khan (she's my imaginary best friend). Put those two together and you know I'm going to be glued to the TV every weekend.

That show made me laugh so hard that I'd have choked on Pepsi had I been consuming any.

Star moment of the show no. 1 (See? I'm plugging the channel also. They should just give me a job there. Preferably as Farah Khan's gal pal)
A nineteen year old guy with a medium-sized tummy came onstage with a (in Farah's words) Wonder Woman star on his forehead and started belly dancing. YES. What was truly scary was that he actually could shake what his momma gave him. Just a little bit.

Star moment of the show no. 2
A person who looked very much like an engineering student (how many of you have I offended?) came onstage and touched all four feet of the two Hritik Roshan cutouts that were behind him. He then talked about how much he looked forward to unleashing his inner crazy while dancing and went on to do exactly that.

Star moment of the show no. 3
A guy walked in, said "I love you so much ma'm" to a horrified Farah, gave her a melted Dairy Milk bar ("Oh it melted! You're so hot, the chocolate melted.") and when asked his name said "Ashish. Naam toh suna hi hoga." Her reaction? "Why do my fans have to be the crazy ones?"

What I don't like about this show is the ludicrous amount of fakeness they expect us to digest and the elevated sense of superstardom they've thrust on Hritik Roshan. Getting to meet him is supposedly the specialest of special moments in every single person's life. If the contestants qualify, they get a bracelet with the initials HR - which made me roll my eyes three separate times. And they refer to him being godlike on multiple occasions. God of dance this, god of dance that - oh SHUT UP.

What I like is watching fellow rhythmically challenged people on this show. Hey at least I don't showoff my lack of dancing skills on national television.

This post is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2011-06-17T04:21:00.000-07:00

Me and my workmate had a gigantic pile of work which made me just want to mentally slap everybody across their faces. But instead I chose to laugh hysterically at honking cars, squawking parrots and my grumpy co-worker. She very seriously thought that the stress had broken my brain (I was kind of afraid of that myself) and very helpfully called me a freak.

And then right in the middle of this very important thing that we had been working on for a very long time which seemed to be magically multiplying because it didn't seem to be getting over at all and was slowly but surely driving us both bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S), this happens

Where is the K3G love I ask you? Do you know how unbelievably hilarious Shah Rukh and Kajol were in that movie? It would have been an instant stress buster! But no, I'm a strange person.

It's okay though because she gives me chocolate and thinks I'm thin.

In Harry Potter related news, you have to watch this or your life will remain meaningless (much as mine has become since I found out they've cancelled Sub of the Day at Subway and now charge for the cheese).

Has your mind been sufficiently blown?

"Life is filled with ups and downs but most of the time I'm going sideways."

2011-06-15T03:42:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why there aren't more ghosts in the world. When I die I very seriously plan on haunting everybody I know. Also people I don't know. And Abhishek Bachchan.

No, really. I could come back from the dead and help fight crime. I could be some sort of supernatural superhero. Or I could work with a hot cop partner. I would totally watch that show.

I've decided I'm just going to like every single person who has big feet. Do you realize how emotionally traumatizing it is to shop for shoes that size? I had to have my mine ordered. Specially ordered!

I think buses defy all kinds of logic by being early when I'm late and then refusing to turn up for an hour when I'm early. But they've been behaving themselves lately so I'm not going to boycott them.

You know we should just give up buses altogether. Just hire jet planes. I used to make ones made of paper at my previous workplace. We used to toss them across our desks. One of them accidentally hit my boss. She just asked us to aim better and spent the better part of the morning ducking.

Using shall in a sentence makes me feel fancy. I shall now eat croissants and drink tea. I like coffee but it isn't as fancy as tea. Only the masses drink coffee. The classes drink tea. I want to end this with a rhyme but I won't. (We shall see.)

I make up random nonsensical poetry in the bus because I have nothing to do. But then I forget them all by the time I get home. (Boo.)

Why is it smartypants and not smartyhat? The head is where the smart is no? (Drat!)

I don't know how to get out of this loop de loop I've created. (A monster! A monster!) [I don't know why I said that] {How many brackets can I get away with?} /Does this count as a bracket?\

So I'm just going to end with this.

I used to love this show!

"Parents should come with instructions."

2011-06-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

You know those friends who don't talk for ages and then meet randomly and feel like they've never been apart? That's the kind of relationship my blog and me share. So even if the last time I talked to it (I don't know whether my blog is a girl or a boy. What do you think?) was last Christmas, I'm still its friend. But not that kind of friend it could call at 11 p.m. because I would be sleeping. Why is going to sleep early socially frowned upon? I like sleeping early. People who don't get enough sleep are always grumpy.

I'm done with college. Convocation's in a couple of months. I have a full time job. I almost feel like a grown-up. But then I pop virtual balloons and sing Bohemian Rhapsody with my workmates and that scary feeling goes away. This one girl at work can sing the lyrics to Baby Got Back at warp speed. I seriously think she has superpowers.

I'm also thinking about starting a book review blog. Then I can ignore two blogs instead of one. I went to Landmark to get my friend earphones for his birthday and ended up buying two books instead. I'm a bad friend but I'm a pretty good bookworm.

I've also been reading comics (people really are cool no?), tumblrs (the name makes me want to have a tea party and speak in a British accent) and watching videos about schools being built from plastic bottles. I feel guilty about the extra long vacation from my blog so I'm dumping a whole bunch of cool links to make you happy. Okay?

They're not very hard to find, these nice people. They're all around you. Today's nice-people-around-me edition brings to you the two people who started following my blog even though the last post was so many months old and ended up making me feel like I had to write a new post. Thank you nice people because I didn't realize how much I missed my blog.

Thanks to work, I've been reading these adorable little quotes by kids on random topics. I'm just going to make their quotes my post titles from now on.

My mom doesn't believe in pressure cookers. My mental problems are hereditary, I'm telling you.

And before I go, will somebody please explain the point of LinkedIn? I don't understand it only.

It's 12.10 a.m. and I'm still up. Do you feel special now Mister (Miss?) Blog?

Powerpuff. Paapaf. Elphinstone. Elfistone. Can. Tin.

2010-12-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

He got me a Bart Simpson bag with a Happy Meal toy inside it. My grin is bigger and huger. He is awesomer. Go read his blog now. Now. Happy DayAfterChristmas!

Want to be featured on my blog? Buy me things. A balloon will also do. Bonus points if it features Spongebob. Send me an email at fireflyer08@gmail.com and I will send you my address. Not if you look creepy and stalkery but.

Also, don't make fun of my email id. I made it when I was ~~slightly mentally unstable~~ even more unstable than I currently am. But now I'm very emotionally attached to it and can't let it go. So yeah. Bye!

Mamma Mia is our name at XYZ

2010-12-25T00:20:00.000-08:00

I've decided I want to read all the books Paro Anand has ever written (oh get over it, I read bachcha books). My friend got me this one and it arrived today. So I have a bighuge grin on my face now. I also just realized that only one of the stories is by Paro Anand but the grin is still there. And I'm going to pimp his blog for free. So go read his blog! This one. It's awesome. Okay I don't know because it's about football and I care this much about football but he bought me a book so it must be awesome. If you want me to pimp your blog, buy me things.

This book is called Mom and Me and talks about quirky mothers and how can I mention slightly unstable mothers without talking about mine? The disturbing thing is that I'm starting to get the feeling that I might actually be turning into her. For one thing, I tend to lie wheneverhowever it's convenient for me/makes my life easier/prevents me from breaking out of my bubble of laziness. It's definitely hereditary. Mom frequently lies through her teeth not just to colleagues and friends but also to her only darling daughter. She once let me eat pakodas made of leaves after specifically leading me to believe it was brinjal. Leaves. Leaves!

Then there is my extremely low threshold of pain. I run for pain meds at the slightest headache and scream bloody murder when my tooth throbs even the slightest bit unnaturally. This I also blame on my mother. Her level of tolerance for pain was clearly demonstrated when I went to get my ears pierced. I held her hand looking for moral support in those difficult minutes full of emotional and physical trauma. And what does she do? Flings my hand aside like it's infected and holds her hands behind her back. "What if you squeeze my hand too hard when that man drills a hole through your ear?"

I had a dream once where my mom was trying to incapacitate me by pushing me out of our fourth floor window. When that didn't work, she tried to set me on fire. I wonder if my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Cows go moo but crackers go BOOM!

2010-11-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's Diwali. Instead of gorging on mithai, I'm online at 10 in the morning stalking random people's Facebook profiles.

One person's profile said she was 19 years old. I felt sort of connected to her because woh bhi 19, main bhi 19. Then I realized I wasn't 19 anymore. I'm 20. Bubble bursting happened. But it's okay. I can make loads more bubbles. Because I bought 3 cans of bubble making solution from chowpatty. [Edit: A certain someone thought this was a joke fail. It wasn't supposed to be funny Mister Tanuj Lakhina. I just typed the first thing that came into my head!] [Also, FOOL!]

It's Diwali and I'm dressed up traditionally waiting for mom to dress up untraditionally so we can go visit relatives. The last time I wore a salwar kameez was a year ago so I'm feeling fancy.

But mom is looking at me like she's painting a picture of my marriage. So I'm not going to be wearing this too often.

There is Facebook drama going on in my home page. But nobody is online. Who to discuss with?

I can't build sandcastles. I can build sand mounds and then stick a stick at the top. Then use the mound to bury a friend's foot. But I can't build castles.

My cousin (who is older than me by a whole 3 years BTW) just called me aunty because he thought I was my mom. At least it was over the phone so I'm not too offended. But he gets less mithai than his brother.

Happy Diwali!

Those retards I call friends: The Juniors Edition

2010-10-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Ex Facebook wife, current Facebook daughter, godmother of future children (because she's named them all), this blog post features my fabulous junior Anandita Rao!

She makes lameness cool. She comes up with toocoolforschool words [Me: I'm off! Her: Bata! (Bye+Tata)] and she makes up cooler-than-ice-cubes handshakes which make other people jealous. She's just too awesome for her boots, but she doesn't wear any so it's okay. (See even writing about her makes me as lo(o)l as her. That's the lame+cool word combo, like the ones you get at McDonald's. Also, stop thinking dirty thoughts).

We met way back when at Polaris (Blitz Krieg is cooler) last year. I was freaking out over Raj Singh Arora being there (yes) and she wasn't judging me so of course pre-friendship happened. Then we re-met at our college trip in Rajasthan where we bonded over my compulsive need of stealing milk powder packets. I shared some of my loot with her and the friendship was cemented.

Milk Powder: Bringing people closer since 2009

She is so awesome that I am officially adding her to my list of people I'd date if I were gay. The list includes a professor, Konkona Sen Sharma (who got married! Whenwherehow?) and a friend who once told me she wished I were a guy so she could make me her boyfriend. Best compliment ever? I think so.

Also, I made up a song for her. Okay so I wrote it last November but whatever.

[Must be sung to the tune of the Spiderman theme song]

Andy-Poo Andy-Poo
Doesn't like being called Anandu
Corrupts my puppets, bangs their heads,
Why can't she corrupt hers instead?
Look out!
Here comes Andy-Poo.

Lives in Vashi
Thinks it's cool
Defends it like a Vashi fool
Prefers Ad over the rest
Is in denial about Journo being the best
Hey there
There goes Andy-Poo.

Her awesomeness inspires me *wipes tear*

P.S. Now do I get a Blitz tee for free?

Dear World

2010-09-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

Dear short-people-on-the-street,

Why are you so short? I'm sorry but it is really really annoying. Your shortness I mean. Not you personally. Your umbrellas tend to poke me. A lot. And sometimes really inappropriately. So please grow up (literally). Or at least hold your umbrellas up higher. Better yet, use raincoats. They're really fashionable these days. At least I see a lot of aunties wearing them so I'm sure you won't be ostracized or anything. Thanks.

Dear monthly-time-of-doom,

You suck. No, really. I hope you know how much I hate you. That will be all.

Dear aunties-in-the-train,

You get deodorants for Rs. 100 now. That's right, they're that cheap. That's like buying 10 packets of Lays. Or 5 bars of Crackle. Or 2 large bottles of Pepsi with money left over. Or one really cheap deo. Not that I'm implying you smell. Not all of you anyway.

Dear peacock feathers,

Is it true that a feather a day keeps lizards away? You creep the hell out of me but if you have the same effect on lizards too, I'm totally ready to decorate my house with you. Even if I do secretly believe that I was pecked to death by a peacock in my previous birth.

Dear How I Met Your Mother,

You, sir, are awesome. I didn't appreciate your awesomeness enough. But the episode where you left me teary-eyed totally opened my eyes. (Did you see that episode? With the whole blizzard thing and "We should own a bar"? And Lily and Marshall's six-pack-of-beer thing? How freaking adorable are they?! The marching band at the airport totally had me reaching out for tissues. Stop judging me.)

In other news, I've made a pact with a friend that if we're both single at 40, we're going to marry each other. And if he's married and I'm not, he's obviously going to have to divorce his wife and abandon his kids. The pact is sacred.

P.S. I'm totally saying totally a whole lot these days.

If you're happy and you know it =D

2010-08-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

- Mary Hirsch

A friend showed me this video and I fell in love with it.

Enjoy if not love.

Seriously? Seriously!

2010-08-14T09:46:00.000-07:00

So today I heard something that might just have emotionally scarred me for life.

Ekta Kapoor (yes that Ekta Kapoor) is going to produce a television serial that, get this, has been adapted from the Twilight saga. YES.

You can't even make up stuff like this.

According to an article I read (which calls them desi vampires by the way), the show is titled Fanaa and has this guy playing Sparkles. Another article reports "If sources are to be believed, Ekta's desi Twilight (a phrase I never thought I'd hear) might not get to see the light at the end of the tunnel." Before you get too excited, however, the same article goes on to say "The viewers certainly will want to see this desi version of Twilight."

Really? Really? The only people who would not block Star One are those that have recently been hit by a very large train. No, no. Those retarded books and movies weren't bad enough that now Twilight has a television series? Produced by Ekta Kapoor no less? What? WHAT!

And I thought the world was going to end in 2012.

I am goldfish, hear me roar.

2010-07-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

I watched Glee so I'm happ-ee.

My friend is sad so I'm feeling bad.

Also, I just realized the last two lines rhymed. I'm a poet and I don't know it.

One friend of mine has the habit of saying what to do? Habits are contagious so now even I say what to do?

Today I was almost hit by a taxi, a motorbike and a cycle. Universe, are you trying to tell me something?

I want to be a student in New York. I want to teach Creative Writing to kids. Not teenagers because they're mostly annoying. But kids because they're mostly not. I want to shop. I want non-ugly rainy day footwear. I also want new glasses.

Did you watch Inception? Do you want to? I didn't and I don't know if I want to. Avatar has put me off over-hyped movies. Except Harry Potter because Harry Potter is awesome.

The paper I work for shares its birthday with Harry Potter. We have an anniversary issue coming up. We also had a birthday party. With kids. And chocolate cake. And games. And chocolate cake.

My house is under attack. Ant attack.

I also realized I saw how random a lot. Just ... not on this blog. How random. There. Happy?

I am in love with Abhishek Bachchan and nobody came to watch Raavan with me and my friend told me he died. So I hate her.

But she is sad, so I also feel bad.

P.S. If you tell me what the title means, I'll send you an e-donut. Mmmm donut. (Doughnut? I don't know.)

P.P.S. Why are goldfish so creepy looking?

Five things I did not understand about the FIFA World Cup

2010-06-21T06:34:00.001-07:00

1) The vuvuzela.
Who invented this instrument and why hasn't he been shot yet?

2) All the unnecessary excitement.
Everybody freaks out over almost goals and almost saves and corner kicks and swift kicks and whatnot. Even the commentators go crazy. WHAT?! They didn't actually score a goal. Calm down!

3) Scoring own goals.
How does the goalkeeper react? It's so crazy near the goal as it is. Everybody is freaking out and hyperly running here and running there. The goalie is trying to cover the entire goal all by his lonesome self. He sees his team member take possession of the ball. He breathes a temporary sigh of relief. And suddenly BAM! The team member shoots the ball into his own goal! Does the goalkeeper beat him up after the match?

4) Extra time.
As if ninety minutes weren't long enough, they have extra time? Why why why? They don't even show close-ups of the boys so how am I not supposed to be bored? It's just random figures in jerseys running around and what is the point of that?

5) Little to no dancing.
This Coke ad made me wait so excitedly for someone to break out into a quirky dance routine. But no. All people did was run around and jump on each other when a goal was scored. Waka waka was written for you guys. DANCE!

I liked watching the game right after it was over. Not the actual game. Not the highlights. The segment right after. That's when they only showed all the goals scored and nobody got excited over rubbishy corner kicks and almost goals. And there were cute footballers running and being all happy and sometimes, if I was lucky, they took their shirts off.

"I don't like jokes!" "I don't like you!"

2010-06-21T03:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday mom tried to coax me off the computer to go eat lunch with her by saying Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was on. As if that would work. It did but I didn't want her to know that. I got up five minutes after she gave me that piece of vital information - five agonizing minutes no less - because I didn't want her to think she'd won. Yes.

Anyway, as I was watching the movie (I giggled wildly at every single joke) I remembered when it first came out. I was eight and wasn't at that stage of my life where I had to watch every new movie yet (I'm still not but that's because of lack of funds more than anything else). But everybody had watched this movie. Everybody. Naturally I *had* to watch it too. Except I didn't. Or couldn't. I don't remember why but what I do remember is having to hear everyone go on and on about it as I smiled and tried not to feel like the loser I secretly knew I was.

What was my brilliant solution? I pretended I had watched the movie too. But since I was lying, I didn't really know what to say when everyone got into excited discussions about the plot and whatnot. I did the next best thing. Every time a discussion popped up, I would say "But Kajol looked so much better with long hair than the yucky short hair. Don't you think so?" Every single time. And then everyone would excitedly get into a discussion about that as I would stand and smile proudly at having overcome my loserishness by throwing around a piece of information I got through the posters. So smart I felt.

So to answer your question, yes I've always been a weird person.

P.S. I did end up watching the movie weeks too late in a very shady theatre with my mom after throwing a humongous tantrum.

Why yes, I am made of awesome

2010-05-19T01:49:00.000-07:00

How was your week? Not awesome? Aww that's too bad. Well not really 'cause I like it when my week kicks your week's butt.

Why my week was awesome:

Reason no. 1

Someone accidentally recharged my Vodafone account with 400 bucks. So I had Rs. 333 more in my otherwise balanceless account than I should have had. Of course the stupidly efficient people over at Vodafone must have realized their mistake 'cause it only lasted a couple of days where I didn't take advantage of the free money at all but even then, the little time that I thought the good luck gods were smiling down at me was deliciously awesome.

Reason no. 2

I have a great job. And even though I'm just an intern who has to work five full days for no money, I love it. Love. I love the small coffee cups and the same tasting pulao-with-raita-and-papad that I eat everyday. I love the dog who's always sleeping at the bottom of the stairs. I love how it's a graveyard in the morning and buzzing with activity in the evening. I love reaching early and leaving late. I love eavesdropping on melodramatic conversations. And I love what I do.

Reason No. 3

My raita was finally enough for my pulao. Never had it happened before. My raita always ran out no matter how much I tried to save it to drown the not-so-bad-but-not-so-good tasting pulao in. But now I've mastered the art of saving the raita right up to the very end and I'm very proud of myself. Stop judging me.

Reason No. 4

I found out that the one bus I used to desperately wait for after work isn't my only alternative. All three buses drop me home. Or very near it. I discovered this when I was fed up of waiting for my chronically late crowd infested bus and just sat in the bus which annoyingly appeared every four minutes just to see where it went. And luckily I didn't end up in another part of the city. I was so elated that it dropped me in familiar territory, I didn't notice I was lost until I didn't know which way to turn. A nice aunty came to my rescue and helpfully told me how to get out of wherever I was to get to where I wanted to go. I even struck up a conversation with her and tried convincing her that I really did stay nearby but I just hadn't been to or known about the existence of this place I was at. I felt very Western too because hardly anybody in India strikes up conversations with perfect strangers. If a random boy so much as smiles at me, I glare suspiciously back. That's how I was brought up - to treat strangers with a mixture of distrust and hostility.

Reason no. 5

One of my co-workers left for Hindustan Times. Thursday was her last day and as she cleared out her desk, she found a lot of things she wanted to get rid of. The things included a lot of junk but also a Spongebob keychain, two Spongebob books and a Happy Meal toy; all of which I inherited. People couldn't believe how genuinely happy I was. Oh I also got yummy free farewell cake. Plus a yummy free farewell lunch. But what made my week was the surprise Spongebob surplus.

And after the awesomeness that was last week, how did this one begin? With a lizard on my bedroom ceiling. And now I'm paranoid that it's going to fall on my face. Even though mom assured me that she shooed it out of the bedroom window when I was hiding out here. But I know she's lying because she said we should sleep on the bed today and not on the floor. Mom doesn't sleep on the bed during summer 'cause it's so hothothot. When I suspiciously asked her why not on the floor if there was no lizard, she didn't answer and turned up the volume of the TV. I called her a liar and said that I hoped the lizard would fall on her.

So now I'm pretty sure the karma gods are going to make the lizard fall into my mouth.

I wish my leg was haunted but all I got was a stupid cold

2010-05-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

In the words of Lorelai Gilmore:

Ugh, I hate having a cold. It's bad enough being sick, but anybody can have a cold. I mean, I'd like to have a good illness, something different, impressive. Just once I'd like to be able to say, "Yeah, I'm not feeling so good, my leg is haunted."

So yes I have a cold. And I'm not happy about it. What kind of person is happy to get a cold you ask? Phoebe Buffay that's who!

I am not a nice person to be around when I have a cold. I sneeze very loudly at regular intervals. I'm all disgusting with my runny nose and watery eyes. And I'm constantly grumpy with no qualms about stabbing people in the eye with my pencil if they so much as laugh too loudly. You wouldn't be averse to going on a murderous cold-induced rampage if you got colds like I did. My colds are never gentle with barely audible sneezes. My colds are violent and ruthless and everybody I come in contact with knows about them. I sport a permanent scowl and sniffle every few seconds which makes my nose itchy and my throat all scratchy and my head hurts and -- there! I sneezed again and nobody said Bless You. A legend holds that it was believed that the heart stops beating every time you sneeze and the phrase "bless you" is meant to ensure the return of life or to encourage your heart to continue beating (thank you Wikipedia!) So if my heart decides to give up on me due to lack of encouragement and I die, blame the people working in the City section of DNA.

My department people (all three of them) aren't here yet. The boss doesn't come in during the weekend (Friday is included) and I think the other two are following her lead. So now I'm grumpy about not doing anything productive today besides making a few phone calls.

Also, the canteen has jalebis today. I don't want jalebis, I want rasgullas! They had rasgullas yesterday but by the time I got around to ordering, the canteen was out of them!

Yesterday I happened to mention how I love Spongebob related merchandise. I was seriously considering buying childrens' DVD set from Crossword because you got a free Spongebob soft toy with it. So anyway, Nickelodeon sends a lot of goodie bags to ya! (lesson no. 1: ya! is always in bold) and my boss decided to give me a few Spongebob goodies. BUT THE STUPID OFFICE THIEVES STOLE THE SPONGEBOB COASTERS SHE WAS GOING TO GIVE ME! Yes, apparently my office has thieves and they deprived me of Spongebob! I hate them! Hate is too mild a word. I completely and utterly abhor them and (an idea I stole from the episode of Castle I watched this morning) I'd cheerfully pour honey on their eyes and set loose a nest of fire ants on their face.

I think the cold is hampering my ability to type 'cause I'm having to use the backspace key a lot more than usual. So I'm also grumpy about that. And it's so cold temperature wise too. Whoever controls the office air conditioner obviously thinks our bodies have copious amounts of fur on them because jackets do absolutely nothing to counter the cold.

Six sneezes in a row and not a single Bless you. Make that eight. Now I hope I die just out of spite. Their apathy and inability to utter two simple words will kill me and then they will have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

Stupid cold.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance

2010-04-26T00:20:00.000-07:00

Edit: I just saw how long this post actually turned out to be. So you're not obligated to read the entire thing. Except you totally are because you'd hurt my feelings otherwise.

Mom put me on spring cleaning duty yesterday. I was supposed to clear out my monster shelf and make a pile of things to be given away to the raddiwala. Mostly because we're poor and need the money but also because our house is being overtaken by books. They're like these needy little things crying for a home and I have no space for them in my life! Well I do obviously but my house doesn't. Even though we ran out of shelf space for books a few months ago, I insist on buying new books and add them to the ever increasing pile of homeless books which are randomly dumped around the house in the hopes that someone, somewhere will take care of them. But nobody does. Until yesterday. Shelf cleaning = space = non-homeless books.

Every time we try to clear the house, mom insists on tearing out unused paper from my old notebooks and keeping them in a safe place in case I ever need to use them in an emergency. Or in college. Every. Single. Time. Yeah mom because I'm really going to scramble around looking for the papers you hid when I'm trying to take down an important telephone number or address. Or I'm going to carry sheets of paper to college to take down notes on just so I can promptly lose and/or misplace them and not find them when I really need to study or when I have a project due and only find them the next time we decide to clear out my old books and you insist on tearing out notebook paper again! Yesterday I almost had a hysterical breakdown trying to convince mom that we don't need any more paper. Of course she still mutilated my notebooks anyway and didn't even tell me where she stored the emergency papers. She never does.

I found awesomely random things while clearing out the shelf though so I'm still glad I did it.

Right off the bat I found these two books which I found so hilariously epic that I have to tell you the names.

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE - 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
and
PREMARITAL SEX - Morality of Dating, Courtship and Petting

And Petting!

You think I'm making this up don't you? I'll click a picture when I'm not sleepy and prove that I'm completely serious.

I also found:
1) Stationery - all of which I could have used during my exams.
2) Random bits of craft items
3) Folders. Oh the folders! I found so many I could probably start an office right here.
4) MY FYJC bus pass (for the uninitiated FYJC = First Year Junior College. Then there's SYJC i.e. Second Year Junior College. I'm semi-officially in TYBMM which is Third Year Bachelor of Mass Media. You're welcome)
5) MY SYJC fake I-card. By fake I mean they gave me a fake I-card when I lost my real one. I had to pay 500 bucks for a crappy piece of paper on which they stuck my photo. Stupid fake piece of crap.
6) My school calendar. I'm going to revisit some of my hymns later. I may or may not use them as blog posts.
7) Menus of restaurants in Colaba. I don't know why.
8) Notes dating back to SYJC
9)An envelope containing 4 Moserbaer CDs. Where were they when I needed them? Chilling out in my shelf apparently.
10) Old phone bills. Again I don't know why. Mom could have just as easily thrown them away rather than stashing them in my shelf. Then she made a big thing about how we should tear them up into little pieces before throwing them away because they have our phone numbers on them. I called her paranoid and didn't tear them up. Mostly because my number has changed.
11) Pamphlets that we had made for Cutting Chai last year as part of our P.R. strategy. Our contingent name was Chacha Chaudhary Champs. Yes, they obviously hate us. I also found a Chacha Chaudhary mask which amused me for roughly 5 minutes.
12) I also found P.R. stuff from Detour from the year before last. There our contingent name was No Parking. At least Jai Hind doesn't make its hatred to us known quite as much as Nationals does.
13) An empty photo album
14) Loads of empty printer paper. To go into the multitude of folders of course. Mom has stolen a lot of paper from her office over the years.
15) My diary from when I was 17. I read the entries and giggled. I was such a drama queen.
16) My diary from when I was 14. Slightly less of a drama queen then. And yes I had separate diaries because I could never keep up with the whole diary writing thing. I used to write for a few days and then get bored. I think I also have one of my 12 year old diaries.
17) A notebook which had a few snippets I'd written about this book series I was so determined to begin when I was 15. The whole series that I so meticulously planned was very embarrassing; so obviously I'll blog about it later.

My favourite find however was these letters and cards and scrapbook type things from my friends and my ex-boyfriend. One of the cards reminded me how my friends used to "tease me with" (it's in inverted commas because I'm not sure whether it's a grammatically correct expression but we use it a lot so I'm going to say it anyway) this boy called Calvin from our French class back in FYJC. Why? Because I'd gotten mad that he got more marks than me in one of our exams. My inner nerd pops out to say hello now and then. I read a few of the letters and laughed and awwwed like crazy. There were also these letters from my ex and scrapbooks that he'd made me too (yes, we were that couple) which I read a bit of and laughed and awwwed again.

So the moral of this story is that cleaning is not always the worthless exercise in futility I once thought it was. The End.

P.S. I probably made a lot of spelling/grammatical/logical/numerical errors. But I'm really sleepy and I'll check them tomorrow OK?

Instead of wishing it would get better, you just get angrier

2010-04-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

How was I to know? How? How? I'm not psychic. You're not my bachpan ki dost. We don't chat on the phone sharing secrets and gossip. I don't stalk you on Facebook or any other stalkable online place. I am not that-girl-who-doesn't-know-anything.

Also you [a completely different you] did not indirectly call me a bitch behind-my-back. Fuck. You.

Anyway. Reading FML always cheers me up. And reading MLIA makes me giggle. Google both if you haven't heard of either.

And I know this was a non-post full of ranting and whining and now you're regretting you're even reading this blog and you're wondering how you landed here in the first place and deciding to never come back again ever and you're also kind of hungry [broke the overusage of the word and on the internet rule with that sentence there]. That just makes me feel bad, except the hunger part. You're allowed to be hungry whenever you want. I'm kind of hungry too. But don't judge my blog by this post ok? I have happy sunshiney stuff all over the place. My blog oozes rainbows and unicorns. Really, it does. And to make up for the rantiness, here:

Sandra Bullock: We need a big finish!
Diedrich Bader: Maybe I should take my top off.

Are we friends again?

Of Haunted Appliances

2010-03-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

I think my refrigerator is haunted. By an old bipolar ghost. It keeps wheezing a lot. And it randomly decides it's tired of working and gives up. Then it starts again for a few minutes. And proceeds to die. It also makes these sudden weird noises which to a person with an overactive imagination sound like a serial killer/rapist/creepy stalker dude/Edward Cullen hiding out in the kitchen waiting for me to let my guard down. And I do not want to be murdered by Sparkly McSparkles.

Of course the fridge is almost as old as me. But that just means old refrigerators are ghost magnets.

Sweet dreams are made of these

2010-03-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

My mom snores. That's not the problem. Well that's kind of the problem 'cause she snores loud enough to waken the dead, but I've read that most people over 40 snore so she's just a statistic. The real problem is that she's in complete denial about the whole thing. When I accused her of snoring (ha, I just typed snowing for some reason and was mildly amused by the thought of my mom snowing), she got so offended that she very maturely retorted, "I don't snore. YOU snore!" Which is a blatant lie.

Once I dreamt she was snoring so much that I woke up. And then I actually woke up because she was snoring so much. Yes. After 3 days of disturbed sleep and being called a liar, I decided enough was enough. The next time she woke me up, I reached over for my phone and recorded her extremely loud snoring. I swear it sounded like an animal. I played it to her the next day. At first she accused me of fabricating evidence. She was then suddenly so fascinated by the sound of her own unbelievably loud snoring that she made me repeat the story of how I recorded her thrice and then continuously harassed me to let her hear the recording. I had to lie and tell her I deleted it.

She claimed she only snored because she had a bad cold. Stuffed nose or not, I wasn't going to lose my sleep over this. I made her buy one of those nasal strips you see on television to minimize the sound of snoring. An utterly and completely useless contraption. I was forced to banish her from the bedroom every time her snoring woke me up. Eventually, she got over her cold, I felt bad for poking her awake and sending her outside and we made peace. Mostly because she stopped snoring.

All this was a couple of months ago. Then just yesterday, this alarming habit reared its ugly head again. Just as I drifted off to sleep, her snoring would force me awake. But I found a brilliant solution. Every time she got too loud, I would reach over for my phone and play some really loud music. This did nothing to cure her snoring of course. It just woke her up long enough for me to be able to fall asleep. This amazingly brilliant plan tickled me so much I had to stuff a bit of the bedsheet in my mouth to stop giggling. It turned out to be her bedsheet that I pulled. She made an annoyed sound and pulled it back. I then went on to accidentally kick her. Twice.

I did get a very good night's sleep though so I must have done something right.

What are you looking at?

2010-02-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

My computer is infected again. At least I think it is. Stupid piece of junk. Anyway, the engineer came by today to see what the problem is and to tell/cajole/threaten my lovely dysfunctional machine to behave itself. Because I had been to a sleepover yesterday and gotten no sleep whatsoever (OK 2 hours of sleep, but 2 hours of sleep is as good as no sleep at all!), I came home and zonked out failing to realize the potentially embarrassing situation I would be faced with. What situation you ask? My desktop background is a picture of the very delicious looking Josh Holloway. This picture actually.

Maybe I imagined it but I could swear I saw the engineer squirming uncomfortably. And I quickly turned my burst of laughter into a very convincing cough.

Will and Won't

2010-02-14T02:37:00.000-08:00

Last week we called for a couple of chicken dishes from the restaurant we usually order from. The delivery boy who brought us our dishes was new and he'd spilled the contents a bit and made it messy. Mom threw a fit. She demanded to know how he could be so careless and then went on to tell him not to deliver here again. She told me this when we were sitting to eat. Now this might sound silly but I felt so terrible. I sulked at mom for half an hour because I thought she had been horribly rude. I kept grumbling about how bad that boy must have felt; on the first day of his job no less. I also demanded to know how she could go crazy over something so trivial. Then I pointed out how even she makes stupid mistakes and how nobody makes a fuss about that (Well fine, I do but I was just all round grumpy then OK?). The phrase put-yourself-in-his-shoes was thrown around a lot. By the end of it, I think she could have cheerfully choked me .

Anyway. This nice little story does have a point. I got round to thinking how I can be rude so often. Rude to people I know and even to those I don't. Unintentionally, but it does happen. This little waiter boy incident made me want to be a nicer person than I usually am. Don't get me wrong. I'm generally a very nice person. But sometimes my desire for entertainment and amusement makes me forget my desire to be nice. So I've made this list which hopefully covers all those areas in which I need improvement.

(1) If a stranger falls, trips down a flight of stairs, walks into a wall, bangs his head against a pole or otherwise physically embarrasses himself, I will not burst out laughing and then pretend I'm laughing at something a friend said. I will make sure he's all right and then move on.

(2) If someone I know does any of the above, I will help them up, yell at anyone who giggles and glare at everyone around me daring them to find humour in the clearly humourless situation. I will not start laughing so hard that I have to lean against a wall for support. Nor will I mock them by demonstrating the accident in a hugely exaggerated manner.

(3) If I see a woman who looks like a man in women's clothing, I will not smirk or giggle mentally. She has enough troubles as it is; she needs sympathy not laughter.

(4) If a friend accidentally inhales her nose-ring in the middle of a lecture, I will be very concerned, ask her whether she's all right and then tell her to go see a doctor as soon as possible. I will not start laughing hysterically with tears running down my face. When the panic-stricken friend asks me whether she's going to die, I will not say yes. I will also not ask her if I can have her clothes when she's dead.

(5) I will not harbour hopes of having a gay best friend. The sole purpose of a gay man's life is not to meet and befriend me.

(6) My life's ambition will not be having a gay son. My children will be free to choose their own sexual orientation. I will not be disappointed if my son decides he's straight. Conversely, he won't be my favourite if he decides he isn't. Mothers are supposed to love all their children equally.

Yes, that's it for now. I'm sure I'll come up with more things eventually.

P.S. Roadies today! Yay!

Lost and Found

2010-01-29T06:40:00.000-08:00

Losing pens is a universal phenomenon.

Losing footwear in the middle of a lecture and losing a band-aid stuck on the foot is apparently just my thing.

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he

2010-01-10T00:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I spent the entire day in agony thanks to my persistent toothache which still won't go away.

I was sleep deprived thanks to which I was just generally grumpy.

I was also very PMSy which upped the crankiness factor.

I was poked in the eye by a woman in the train which rendered me temporarily blind for about five minutes.

I had to sit through the most mind numbing lecture ever, which on normal days is bad enough, but given my state yesterday, it was nothing short of pure torture.

I wanted an MOD donut but I couldn't get one.

I bought a chocolate mousse pastry to make myself feel better about my donut deprived state but forgot to keep it in the fridge thanks to which it was sour when I finally got around to eating it.

I felt like a fool for not having bargained more than I did for the books I bought at Fort.

But looking at the Spongebob stickers I bought in the train made me all cheerful again. Yes, the magical power of the sponge.

The Customary End-of-the-year Post

2009-12-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

*Long post alert*

Ok so it's not customary for me since I've never done this before; but this year I really wanted to write a post reminiscing over the last 12 months. Yes it's the epitome of a cliché and no that's not going to stop me from doing it anyway. So if this isn't your thing, I have loads of other fabulous posts on my very irregularly updated blog.

To start off with, all the negatives this year has thrown at me:
*I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years and in the process probably lost one of my best friends.

*For the first time in my entire life, I was failed (yes, on purpose) in something. I never fail. I'm not the KT kind of girl. In school, we had this atrocious subject called Needlework where we were required to knit booties which I never got around to doing 'cause I'm not the knitting kind of girl either and I still wasn't failed in that. And I failed Culture Studies. Just because that idiotic vindictive little woman took a Harry Potter quote personally and thought I was out to insult her. Never have I been treated so unfairly and never have I hated anyone with a passion like this. But hopefully *fingers crossed* it's all going to get sorted out.

*I realized that I care too much about what people think of me. And not just people I care about but anyone. Everyone. Random people, friends, family. Everyone. I guess I always knew that but the full realization came recently and it's not a good trait to have. I tried not to care so much and failed miserably. I just can't stop taking things personally and I destest being disliked. I wish I had the I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks attitude, I really do but *shrugs* maybe next year?

*Some more realizations? I'm too picky when it comes to making friends. Real friends. Very few people manage to pass the muster with me. My expectations are much too high. Must work on that.

*I make a terrible leader.

*I'm too nice. Hence, very easily taken advantage of. I also feel guilty when I shouldn't. I think both these are linked to the must-be-liked syndrome.

*I've read and written a lot less than I would have liked to, especially recently. Adding to the Things To Do Next Year list. Check.

And now moving on to the positives:
*I like going to college. Yes. Gasp. After a year and a half of hating the very thought of going to that god awful place every single day, I have actually started to enjoy college.

*I talk to a lot more people in my class now than I ever did before. And I've realized that most of them are pretty cool. Thank you Blitzkrieg.

*Blitzkrieg. I can't wait. It's so much better this year. Last year it didn't feel like our festival, it felt like their festival. But this year it is definitely ours. I feel so much more involved. It feels great :)

*I've become much more social this semester. Gone are my anti-social fits and refusal of company any more than was needed. Well almost anyway.

*So many new experiences. I traveled. To Rajasthan. One of my dream destinations. And even though it wasn't the backpacking trip I've always wanted, it was great.

*I can officially say I've lived in a haunted hotel and it won't just be wishful thinking. I might have had a supernatural experience myself, but that I'm blaming on faulty plumbing thankyouverymuch.

*I sat on a camel. His name was Michael Jackson and he was awesome. The camel behind me however was not. His name was Hritik Roshan and he had major homosexual tendencies. He kept trying to get close to Michael. I would have loved the gay camel had he not scared me every few minutes by coming up so close behind me that I screamed like a mad woman at random intervals. Camels are not pretty creatures. Believe me.

*I met new people. I made new friends.

*I had crushes! After such a long time. I missed that feeling. One was silly, one was intense but short-lived; both were fun while they lasted.

*I feel closer to my mom :)

*I'm just generally more cheerful now than I was in the past. Even when I should be all PMSy.

The good things outweigh the bad so I think it's been a successful year overall. Of course all this positivity might have to do with the fact that I'm in an extremely good mood thanks to plans finally materializing for tomorrow but that doesn't matter. It was a good year. But I'm not sad to see it go. 2010 will be better. Happy New Year!

I realized I forgot a title after I published the post but now I'm too lazy to think of one and you'll just have to live with that so there.

2009-11-11T03:32:00.000-08:00

This poster on one of the noticeboards at college made me giggle. Yes that's glitter.

P.S. If you squint really hard, you can make out someone's written "Kidding" in pencil at the bottom. I would have been much more mature and just written "NOT!"

I'm Baaaack

2009-11-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Yeah I know, it's been days since I last blogged. Ok fine months. But I'm here now and isn't that all that matters? Yes it is.

What made me break my spell of laziness was the return of a brand new season of MTV Roadies. The seasons just seem to be piling up don't they? Didn't the last one just end? And I know that I'm supposed to think Roadies is just a pseudo reality show. I probably do think that; I certainly thought it during the last season. But the show is just so bloody entertaining! I'm not ashamed to admit it; I'm a fan.

The premiere of this season wasn't publicized as much for some reason. I would have probably missed it (the horror!) if it hadn't been for my friend reminding me. Apparently the bald twins are out of Roadies this time around. In fact, according to my friend, they may be completely out of MTV itself. She swears she saw one of them on a show on Channel V. Then again she's also the person who stalked the Facebook profile of a cute guy, sent him a friend request which was accepted only to discover that the cute guy turned out to be a cute girl. So I don't know how much I trust her judgement/eyesight/levels of sanity.

Anyway. We watched the show together and kinda absolutely loved it. It has a new format which confused us a lot; not because we're easily confounded (we are) but because at the end of the episode, they didn't seem to have picked any Roadies, the people were merely "short listed". Even then the show was great. It has a whole new feel to it thanks to the absence of Raghu in all his balding angry-not-so-young-man glory. The interviewers were Nikhil and both the Cyruses. Needless to say then that there was a lot less yelling and a lot more laughter. A guy was made to act like a dog and bite five random people on the street while a girl was made to run out into the street screaming her lungs out and force feed strangers soda in a bid to save the world.

I can't wait for the next episode.

i think i'm dreaming

2009-07-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Dude. I think I'm in some sort of parallel universe.

Why, you ask? Well here's the thing. My internet speed sucks. On an average, I get 7 kbps. That's right. Seven. On a good day it might go up to 9. That's pretty much it. I've grown used to it after 3 years. I've even grown to love it. Imagine my surprise then when I saw the speed go up to 30 kbps today. I was literally left round eyed when it went up to 60. Naturally I was spellbound as it climbed up to 100. And completely flabbergasted at 200. What should I have done then when at one point it reached 500, you read it right five hundred, kbps? Jump with joy? Yell and scream in incredulous delight? Completely lose my head? Been there, done that. So what do I do now? I've already downloaded a few songs and three movies. Three. All in a few hours. I plan to download three more. The speed is now averaging about 180 kbps. Which, for a girl like me who gets excited when her internet speed enters double digits, is ecstatically thrilling.

Right about now, I'm kinda freaking out (in a good way) plus I'm terrified at the prospect of having to shut down my computer at some point. I'm so sure this is just a temporary gift which will be cruelly snatched from my hands the moment I hit Disconnect. But until that moment arrives, full speed ahead! Ooh pun not intended.

P.S. (Click to enlarge and witness my minor miracle)

P.S. Part Two: 400 kbps baby!

Certifiable Mothers

2009-07-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

My mom is slightly insane. Well not insane. But really really bizarre.

Watching T.V. at my house, particularly at night, is never easy. I have my Star World and Zee Cafe while mom has her Star Plus. And because I never relinquish my hold on the remote before 10, she has to resort to pestering me to switch to Star Plus whenever the commercials are on. Fair enough, yes. The other night, however, she demanded that I switch channels right in the middle of a very crucial scene in Bones. "Switch to *whatever show that was on Star Plus at the moment*," she said. "No" I replied. "What? They're just talking na?" she reasoned referring to the actors on Bones. As opposed to all the characters in her serial silently choking to death apparently. I looked at her incredulously and proceeded to explain the whole concept of T.V. shows, all the while insisting that talking plays a very essential role in all of them. I suspect she's so used to the characters bursting into tears for random reasons in her shows that the very idea of dialogue is alien to her.

On another night she proved to me that my laziness is hereditary. She was turning in for the night and I went to the other room to sit online for a bit. As I was switching on the computer, I could dimly hear her calling my name. I went back to the bedroom where she told me that I had accidentally switched off the fan too when I switched off the lights. The fact that she yelled for me for so many minutes instead of just getting up and turning the fan on herself didn't bother me. The fact that she had just been about to dial my cellphone with her cellphone to call me back to the bedroom to turn the fan back on was what I found disturbing.

There are some mothers who think their children spend way too much time on the phone and keep yelling at them to get off it once in a while. Then there are some mothers who barge into the bathroom while their child is trying to shower before college, thrust their child's ringing phone into the child's face screaming at the startled child to pick up the phone and refuse to leave even when the child screams back and swats their hand away and tries to close the door on them. Guess which kind of mother I got?

Aw mom but I love you. And not just because your kookiness is highly amusing and provides me with things to blog about.

Boo

2009-07-06T03:45:00.000-07:00

I think my house is haunted.

No seriously; I really do. I didn't just write that 'cause it seemed like a cool way to start a post. Well maybe I did. But there's definitely something spooky going on here. I lost my glasses and a pair of jeans and after minutes of frantic searching, they turned up in the most random places. No, I didn't forget where I kept them. My memory, as bad as it is, didn't fail me then. And no, mom didn't move them either. She helped me look.

My first thought was a thief who thought it'd be funny to move my stuff around. I dismissed that notion because it's physically impossible to get into my house after the door is locked. I'd like to see any burglar try. Not that this is an open challenge for all the crooks out there; it's just an expression.

Maybe I walk in my sleep and for some strange reason move my things around. Possible, yeah.

But doesn't "I live in a haunted house" sound so terrifyingly better than "I walk in my sleep"?

rains and me = a love/hate relationship

2009-07-05T03:50:00.000-07:00

You know how in the previous post I went on and on about the glorious virtues of a beautiful rainy day? Well scratch that; rains suck.

Yesterday I came home so completely drenched that I think I redefined the term wet. By the way, windcheaters are the most useless pieces of rainproof devices ever. Not only do they have an absurdly idiotic name, but they don't even try to overcome the stupidity of their names by being good at what they're supposed to do - prevent me from getting soaked!

And have you ever tried walking around with glasses when it's pouring cats and dogs? It's lucky I didn't wander off into the middle of the road and get hit by a truck or something.

I couldn't even take a cab home; no cabbie in his right mind would have allowed the sodden mess that I was anywhere near his precious vehicle. So I was forced to take a crowded bus where people kept glaring at me for dripping water on their otherwise completely dry selves. How is it that everyone else gets to remain dry and I don't!? This one genius thought it was alright to stand behind me and lean his umbrella against the back of my leg. Oh what the heck, he probably figured, she's already wet as it is. But I kicked it back with my shin and scowled at him after which he quickly backed away. Then there were the cars that thought nothing of splashing me merrily as I grumpily walked home from the bus stop. They also probably figured that since I was so wet already, a little more moisture couldn't hurt. Well they thought wrong! But since I couldn't just go and kick the cars, I had to frown and bear it.

However, I did watch Ice Age 3 yesterday and loved it, so I guess the day wasn't a complete waste of energy.

P.S. I kind of pity the weather forecasters but I also want to laugh at them. It's bright and sunny when they scream "heavy rains ahead!" and there's a raging storm every time they reassure citizens that it's gonna be a nice cloudless day. Ha!

rainy days and gay rights and neopets, oh my!

2009-07-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Beautiful weather today. Rain wasn't a useless drizzle, wasn't a full blown storm - it was just about perfect. And even though my jeans were so loose that I had to pull them up every five minutes and the rain dripped all over my glasses making me temporarily blind and people kept staring me from under their umbrellas, I still walked home from the station after college. Stare at me all you want; I have my radio and I don't care. I couldn't have taken a cab like I usually do; not with weather like this reminding me of hot buttered corn (with lots of masala), steaming cups of coffee and sizzling bhajiyas. Taking a cab home - incomprehensible! All my corn and bhajiya dreams went down the (d)rain though; not one stall was open while it was wet out. In the end I convinced myself to get ice-cream from the cab fare that I saved. Should have gotten Maggi and cheese instead. A friend introduced the concept of hot Maggi noodles with cheese. Delish!

In other news, the Delhi High Court denounced Article 377! How awesome is that! The judges clearly condemned the law and asked people to practice the equality that they preach. They also asked for the Article to be amended and that any sex between consenting adults be legalized. This is fabulous news for homosexuals across the country and for all the gay rights activists. Finally India is taking a step in the right direction, away from its dubious distinction of being included in the homophobic nations list. It won't be long now before the law is scrapped altogether. If there was a smiley for my level of excitement right now, it'd be here. But because I don't know of any such smiley, just pretend I inserted one.

Also, I signed up on Neopets again and I'm slowly getting addicted. The site is so much fun! I know it's primarily for kids but seriously, it's more fun than Facebook (and I won't get tired of saying that).

More on gay rights, addiction news and weather reports later.

P.S. What do you think came first? The fruit or the colour orange?

Must. Update. Blog.

2009-06-29T04:53:00.000-07:00

So. Long time no post. Blame it on my lazy gene.

Anyway.

The other day I discovered that running for a train semi-dramatically with a friend which results in the friend getting on the moving train while you're left standing on the platform trying to pretend that nothing happened is supremely embarrassing.

My week also included a ridiculous sitcom moment involving 2 mental friends, me, a dog named Obama (his real name is Kaalu but what kind of a name is Kaalu? I've renamed him so many times that I'm sure he has some sort of an identity crisis but for now it's Obama), a pesky doorbell, lots of screaming, running, hiding, laughing and multiple locked doors. Intrigued?

On a completely different note, I cannot understand how Slumdog Millionaire managed to win an Oscar for Best Movie. Watching it for the second time on T.V. really makes you see the error of your Slumdog loving ways.Someone allegedly cheats on a game show in India and the cops not only beat him up but also attempt to fry him with electricity? You might as well add the stilted Jai Ho song-and-dance sequence randomly in the middle of the movie and make the flick completely Bollywoodesque. Yes I can make words up.

BTW do any of you find it strange that a sponge lives in a pineapple at the bottom of the ocean? With a squid for a neighbour, a crab for a boss and a starfish for a best friend? Just wondering, that's all.

Well ... that's about it. All updated then? Good. Now shoo.

Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.

P.S. 17 days left for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Yay!

Only Slightly Insane

2009-05-08T05:48:00.002-07:00

A couple of nights ago, I couldn't sleep. I had just finished reading the Percy Jackson books and couldn't wait to read the last one (it was going to release the next day but stupid thing still hasn't released in India). So anyway, since I couldn't sleep, I started wondering how the series would end. Then I thought about my favourite characters. After that I wondered whether my favourite characters would die. That led me to wondering how they would die, how the others would react to their death and how their ghosts would comfort the people who were still alive. Yeah, I really wasn't getting any sleep. Then I began to construct the exact dialogue one of my favourite characters would use to comfort his friends about his death. And this dialogue was apparently so touching that I began to cry. The crying for the death of a fictional character isn't new. The fact that the fictional character was dead only in my imagination - yeah, kinda new. As if that wasn't enough, I started making my usual connections i.e. thinking about all the other literary characters whose deaths had crushed me. And I began to bawl. Hysterically. At the back of my head I knew I was an utter fool; but that sure as hell didn't stop the tears.

So it isn't enough that I sob like a baby every time someone in the book I'm reading or show I'm watching dies. Now when there is no book available, I'm going to make up my own story, kill off my favourite character and then sob like a baby. Much better no?

Attack of the Dreaded Virus(es)

2009-04-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I was calmly going about my own computer business yesterday when this McAfee dialog box popped open warning me that a drive was infected. Now I've been skittish ever since some stupid virus attacked my computer a few weeks ago because of which the computer sorta died and had to be brought back to life after a lot of worrying and basically I was just cut off from the online world for a couple of weeks. So naturally I freaked out. Ran a virus scan on the infected drive. Sat back and watched McAfee detect a total of 406 viruses. In one drive. I didn't freak out. I just (calmly) wondered how the computer hadn't exploded with so many viruses in it!

Then came the dealing with the viruses part. For some reason they refused to be cleaned. Just wanted to be zapped into oblivion. And either I can't understand McAfee or it can't understand me because I ended up deleting all 406 viruses manually. One by one by freakin one. I'm sure it has something to do with adjusting the settings and me being technologically challenged; but I'm still blaming McAfee! After all AVG didn't give me this much trouble. Of course my computer died on AVG's watch so it can't get too cocky either.

I really think there's some sort of conspiracy going on. The computer working against me on McAfee's orders. How else do you explain 406 viruses and me having to delete virtually everything? I won't be surprised if McAfee is trying to conquer the world, one computer at a time. If it's evil enough to make me delete every one one the 406 viruses individually, it's evil enough to harbour ambitions of world domination.

MTV Roadies Finale : Really? That's It?

2009-04-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the finale a while back and it was so ... disappointing. Barely any excitement. Absolutely no entertainment. At one point me and my friend actually looked at each other and said "This is boring!" And that's not a good thing for the Roadies finale to be.

All in all, this entire season was kinda depressing. Lame tasks, a ridiculous assortment of contestants (with the exception of Sufi *drool*) and not really worth the Roadie hype. Now last season was a different story. All the contestants were completely entertaining albeit crazy bitchy. But bitchiness is fun so eh well. The only entertainment provided by the Roadies this time around was in the form of Samrat and the weird constipated sounds he made on a regular basis and Paulomi who stood out in all her Paulomi-ness.

Last season's finale had everyone glued to the TV. It was fun, squirm-inducing and thrilling. This time? Lameness redefined. At first I refused to believe that the finale could actually be so dull. I kept looking out for that sudden twist which would turn the game on its head. Waited and waited until I finally realized - this was it. The grand finale. The lamest, most scripted end in the history of the show. I could easily predict the winner two minutes into the final task. Not that I'm doubting the amount of strength and stamina needed to complete the task; it's just that I can't bring myself to care. The mere difficulty of a task isn't enough - the finale needs entertainment value too! And as much as everyone tried to play up the actual content by hyping it up to be really tough and great; it wasn't. It was STUPID.

What happened to you Roadies? You used to be cool. Remember the ladyboy task thing of last season? Remember the having-to-cover-your-nakedness-with-newspaper-and-a-stapler? What happened to your nipple piercing, iguana kissing, strip quizzing ways? I want to see some girls slapped. I want to see some heads shaved. What I do not want to be told is that James Bond once said "Roadies will be back." Because I very much doubt James Bond would have cared. So stop making stuff up, stop spending money on trips to Australia and just concentrate on getting out of the pit you've dug yourself into.

"I'm gonna make that audience rock!" - Susan Boyle

2009-04-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

I know, I know it's a little too late to be jumping on the Susan Boyle bandwagon. But I just saw the video today and I was too blown away not to blog about it. So there.

So who exactly is Susan Boyle? For all those who've been living under a rock, let me enlighten you. Susan is a 47 year old contestant on the reality show "Britains Got Talent" who, by her own admission, has never been married, never been kissed and is currently unemployed. Take a quick look at her and you'll see a pleasantly plump matronly figure with eyebrows bushy enough to put Ashley Olsen to shame. Her ambition of being a professional singer as successful as Elaine Paige produced smirks and eye-rolls from the audience and judges alike. At the beginning of the video, you can make out how everybody's just waiting to pounce on her performance and laugh her off stage.

And then she starts to sing.

At that precise moment, if you listen hard enough, you can just about make out the noise of hundreds of jaws dropping simultaneously. You can see Simon's eyebrows shoot up, you can see Amanda Holden look gobsmacked and you can see Piers Morgan applaud enthusiastically and laugh at the audience's as well as his own assumption that just because Susan doesn't look like a teenage pop queen, all the smirks and eye-rolls were right on target. Because that's when everyone begins to realize that she can sing. Boy can she sing.

And that's around the time the audience starts cheering. Cheering and hooting and clapping and screaming. And as she continues singing, all the cheering and hooting and clapping and screaming just get louder. That's when you see all three judges becoming completely shocked speechless. That's when Piers tries to gulp down his astonishment, Amanda gives multiple standing ovations and Simon just smiles and sighs contentedly. And that's when you tell yourself "Shame on you for being so superficially judgemental."

What makes Susan Boyle so endearing is her humility and her complete lack of knowledge of the fact as to how stupendously talented she really is. She so cutely tries to walk off stage and equally cutely walks back on. And when she gets those three Yes-es from the judges, she is so genuinely surprised and delighted that you can't help but love her even more.

I really hope she wins, that one. And even if she doesn't, judging by all the media attention she's been getting alongwith her tag as the "biggest Youtube sensation"; not to forget her amazing voice - this isn't the last we've heard of Susan Boyle.

P.S. If you haven't watched the video yet, I will have nothing to do with you until you watch it here. Now! Shoo!

^_^

2009-03-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

Ha I find it very amusing when a boy takes another boy to help pick out a gift for his girlfriend. Kind of like the blind leading the blind :P

A Whole New Level of Absurdity

2009-02-24T04:37:00.000-08:00

According to a Mumbai Mirror article I read today, Ajmal Amir Kasab, the infamous terrorist captured alive during the 26/11 attacks, has been charged, apart from various other things, for entering the CST platform without a ticket. Yup you heard that right. He has been charged for ticketless travelling. I don't know if I should even comment on this level of absurdity. Oh what the heck. What ridiculousness is this? What sort of madness has struck the officials!? No, no, ticketless travelling? Seriously? And apparently if convicted, he faces either imprisonment of up to 6 months or a fine of up to Rs. 1000 or both. Ooooh scary huh? Idiots.

Birthday Blues?

2009-02-21T04:58:00.000-08:00

This morning I randomly looked at the calendar and realized that it's my birthday in two weeks. I'll be turning 19 - such a pointless age. And I'm oh-so-sure that the day is gonna suck. Call it woman's intuition or just plain knowledge of circumstances, but I know that it's gonna be so lame that lameness is about to be redefined. A pointless birthday for a pointless age. Blah. Ah, the post just sounds depressing, yeah? It's not all bad. I'm very excited about the loads of shopping I'll get to do with my birthday as an excuse. And I'm sure retail therapy is gonna work wonders for the lack of everything else. So yay.

Damn you Movie Gods!

2009-01-22T21:02:00.000-08:00

I should never make movie plans. Seriously. The Movie Gods are pissed off at me. Or they just have a really weird sense of humour. The last time I made plans, one friend mysteriously fell ill while another suddenly realized she had to rectify an error on her PAN Card form. This time around, the theater suddenly changed the timing of the movie we desperately wanted to watch which made all our careful planning go awry. And then when I called the theater to confirm the matinée show ticket prices (hello, broke college students here!), I was put on hold for five minutes. I disconnected 'cause the music became really annoying. And I'd bunked a lecture too when I desperately need all the attendance I can get.

But no problem. There's always tomorrow right? The eleven o'clock show of The President is Coming it is. Unless of course the gods decide otherwise.

Edit: Here I sit, a month later, and I still haven't watched the film. The Movie Gods have won this time. But it's the last time they do! (I hope)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T06:45:00.000-08:00

I know, I'm a day late and really behind on my posts; but I've been busy and well... lazy. So yeah. Anyway, have a great and better-than-2008 2009.

That's it. Go on then. Shoo.

Mumbai - Bruised But Not Broken

2008-11-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

Shock. That's what I felt when mom woke me up at 11.15 on Wednesday night telling me there's been a blast. But it turned out to be so much more. I watched the news in horror. Firing at CST? In a hospital? In the Leopold's Cafe? The Taj and Oberoi hotels under siege? What hellish nightmare have I walked into? It only got worse. As I watched all the familiar South Mumbai places being attacked, my mind could barely fathom that all this was actually happening. Every waking moment was spent glued in front of the television. Even as my body cried for sleep, my mind refused. I was determined to follow the entire tragedy right till the end - which, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be approaching, inspite of repeated assurances that the operations at all three places; Nariman House, The Taj Hotel and the Oberoi Hotel, are in their final stages. They have been in the final stages since yesterday afternoon. When is this insanity going to end?!

Ah, and then came the politicians for their moment of glory. They stubbornly insisted on visiting the sites, choosing to ignore pleas that asked them to stay away. Of what concern was it to them that the police had to deploy extra personnel to look after their safety? Did it matter that the policemen had to look after these attention seeking brats instead of focusing on the situation at hand? Was bringing the situation under control as important as assisting these so-called people in their 15 minutes of fame on the eve of the elections? These politicians were busy passing the blame instead of taking responsibility for their actions; instead of being the leaders they were elected to be and taking charge in this time of crisis.

When I was younger, I remember someone telling me "If Pakistan dares lay a finger on Mumbai, India will annihilate Pakistan." Such was the confidence in the government. Now, however, the politicians are so busy playing the blame game that they barely have time for something as trivial as weeding out the perpetrators and bringing them to justice.

The infallible Mumbai spirit has taken a hit. The streets on Thursday resembled curfew. The usually full-to-bursting local trains were deserted. Very few taxis could be seen in Southern Mumbai. Offices were nearly empty. Schools and colleges were closed. The Bombay Stock Exchange and the National Stock Exchange remained shut. What floods, incessant rains, train blasts, blasts in the BSE, blasts in the midst of crowded markets, blasts in random vehicles around the city, communalism and bloody riots couldn't damage was accomplished by these young ordinary-looking, gun-toting terrorists in one fell swoop.

However, we are Mumbaikars and our resilience shines within each and every one of us. It is this spirit that makes Mumbai what it is; that makes us what we are. We may be down, but we are most certainly not out. Life is slowly getting back to normal. The streets look haunted no more, the trains are fuller. People travelling all over the city are tense but tough. We are Mumbaikars and we will not go down without a fight. We may not fight back with weapons and violence, but fight we will. Our determination to survive through this is shown not by picking up a gun but by going on with our lives. By trying to bring about a sense of normality within our lives, we are fighting back. We will not bow down to this mindless terror. We will not be afraid of you. You are cowards and we know it. You may be determined, but your determination is nothing compared to ours. Not for nothing is the Mumbai spirit admired. We are hurt but not broken. We are bouncing back even as you make your desperate attempts to create even more mayhem in this urban warfare.

We are Mumbaikars and although we fight on with our resilience, we will not forget; cannot forget. We have forgotten in the past. We bounce back but we don't remember. We don't demand security. We don't insist on explanations and clarifications. We don't ask "How?" We don't demand the answers that we should. But no more is this acceptable. Now we demand answers. We demand retribution for the slain police men's widows, for the parents who are suddenly without children, for the woman in Delhi who excitedly planned her wedding in vain, for the family whose sole bread winner was killed, for the son who has been orphaned, for those foreign nationals touring India, for the man who ushered his hotel guests to safety even as his wife and children were killed in a fire - for all those people whose only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We seek justice.

To all those Mumbaikars and fellow world citizens who lost their lives to this mindless terrorism - R.I.P. Our thoughts rest with you.

Five Things You Don't Know About My Younger Self

2008-11-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to update the blog and this is the best post idea I could come up with. Yeah. Do you care to know things about me when I was younger? I highly doubt it. Do you have to put up with it anyway? You bet!

Hey, it could be mildly entertaining you know. It could!

(1) I was morbidly obese as a kid and all the way through school. Well, I'm no Mary Kate Olsen now either, but I'm thinner than before. Dude, I was huge!

I would show you a pic, but then I would have to kill you.

(2) I had convinced my neighbour that the building outside my bedroom window was a deserted ruin and haunted. As proof, I pointed out the white shadows constantly moving past the windows. We even pretended we were part of Scooby and gang. Yes, Scooby Doo.

As it turns out, the building is an institute for cancer patients. The ghosts? In some parts, they're also known as doctors.

(3) I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone when I was 10. Until my 11th birthday, I firmly believed I was going to get a letter from Hogwarts. After my 11th birthday, I convinced myself that it takes time for the letter to reach India all the way from the United Kingdom.

No, I'm not waiting for my Hogwarts letter anymore. I have learned to live with the fact that I'm a Muggle.

(4) I was a studious nerd/model student until 7th grade. My act of bravery was reading a book in class. The one time I did it, I was caught by the teacher. I felt so guilty that the book stayed untouched in my bag for three days.

Now, I'm an accidental nerd. I don't study but I get decent marks. Apparently that's the only qualification one needs. Hence the label.

(5) At one point of time, the box that my T.V. came in was the major source of entertainment for my neighbour and me. It was our boat that marooned us on a deserted island, it was our mansion. It was our modest hut, it was a shelter for our orphanage. It was a bed for our doll babies, it was all the modes of transport invented and then some. It was our hidey hole and our camphouse. It was everything we ever dreamed of.

The magic box in question is currently in my loft, filled with old toys.

Now, because I love the whole concept of tagging and no one is going to tag me ever, I'm gonna do the tagging myself. I tag Tanuj (Yes, you have to do this).

Random Thing To Do Today: Try not to think about zebra stripes and leopoard spots.

The End.

The Demise of the Great Indian Soap

2008-11-05T11:47:00.000-08:00

And by that, of course, I mean Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.

The show that has been going strong for the last eight years has finally reached the end of its rope. Star Plus has decided to axe the show 'cause of its sinking TRPs. I'm sure women all over the country are on the verge of a collective depression. My mom is on the verge of a breakdown. First Kahaani Ghar Ghar Ki was taken off air, now Kyunki is ready to bid its final farewell; my mom's world is not a happy place at the moment. Out of the 90 minutes she lived for every weeknight, 60 of those minutes have no meaning anymore. She still can't get over the fact that lovable, science defying Baa who stubbornly refused to die even as generations after her bit the dust, finally went into the light (and finally is not an understatement. Believe me). I keep trying to convince her that she was only a character on a television show and the actress isn't really dead, but all mom does is stare at me blankly and keep saying over and over again "I can't believe Baa is dead. How could they kill her? How can she die! How could they do this to us!?" And in response, I laugh and pointedly remind her that the show is going to end very very soon. Model daughter, eh?

I don't really find all this melodrama weird though 'cause hey, I'm no stranger to it myself. I had major withdrawl symptoms when Charmed ended. And who can forget the days before, during and after reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I cried after each death. I sobbed hysterically for 20 minutes when Dobby died, and I didn't even like him that much! I completely emphatized with Facebook groups like After Harry Potter Seven Comes Out I Won't Have Anything To Live For, I've Read Harry Potter # 7, Now What Am I Supposed To Do With My Life?!?!, I Can't Believe Harry Potter Is Actually Over, I Wish I Could Get Amnesia So I Could Re-experience Harry Potter Anew ...... well, you get the picture.

Getting back to the point, yes I sympathize with Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi lovers everywhere. I might not understand why you love what you love but I understand your broken hearts. I might find it absurd how you lap up whatever the show offers; the just-for-the-heck-of-it generation leaps, the deaths and re-births, the plastic surgeries, the so-bad-they're-funny dialogues, the ludicrous situations, the foolishness of it all; but my heart goes out to all you fans in this time of grief as you say goodbye to the show that spawned a saas-bahu revolution in Indian television. So goodbye Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. And good riddance too.

Forwards Can Be Cool

2008-11-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Usually, forwards are just annoying old chain letters which, if not forwarded, will apparently bring you 50 years of bad luck/make you die a slow torturous death/help to save the life of a 7 year old cancer afflicted kid who has been 7 since I wasn't even born/make sure you're haunted by the ghost of a very old, very pissed off woman until the day you die or help you hook up with your crush like, that very night!!11! ZOMGZZ!!111!eleven!!11!

But some forwards are actually pretty funny. And once in a while, you may even find one that you absolutely love. Here's my once in a while that was forwarded to me today. It's a bit long but totally worth it :-)

One day, a Maths teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving some space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the students the remainder of the class period to finish their assignments; and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday, she gave each student his or her list.

Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in the Kargil war and his teacher attended his funeral. The place was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk. The teacher was the last one. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came upto her. "Were you Sanjay's Math teacher?" She nodded. Then he said "Sanjay talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Sanjay's former classmates were there. Sanjay's parents were waiting to speak to the teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Sanjay when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. Without looking, the teacher knew that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Sanjay's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Sanjay's mother said. "As you can see, Sanjay treasured it."

All of Sanjay's former classmates started to gather around. Smiling rather sheepishly, Arjun said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer in my desk at home."

Prithviraj's wife said, "Prithviraj asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Rashmi said. "It's in my diary."

Then Deepali, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," she said, and without batting an eyelash, she continued, "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Sanjay and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. Telling people you love and care for that they are special and important isn't a crime. Do it now while you still can rather than waiting until it's too late.

Ad-Mad

2008-10-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

While coming home today, I saw a poster in the local train which made me smile at the creator's imagination. It said "Instead of reading this, shouldn't you be checking under your seat for any unattended baggage?", and was sponsored by Idea. In the wake of these bomb blasts that are becoming alarmingly regular in the country, I thought that the company displayed an incredibly creative conscience. And I did check under my seat too. So hey, it's effective as well.

An Early Halloween

2008-10-28T13:47:00.001-07:00

Earlier, I sat to write a post and as I opened my browser, I was visited by a not-so-furry visitor. Not as much visited as attacked. By a bat. Not the wooden one, but the one with large flapping wings. OK, not so much attacked as scared out of my wits, but let me tell you, it felt just as bad as attacked.

Here I was, typing away and pretty much minding my own business, when suddenly out of nowhere, a freaked out winged thing sat on the CPU. At first, I thought it was an extra large moth. I was startled but not alarmed. Then I saw the "moth" spread out its extra large black wings. Realization struck me. I chose to handle the situation in my usual calm, collected manner. I screamed like a banshee, threw open the window and ran out of the room, pulling the door shut behind me.

I didn't start hyperventilating. I didn't! Almost doesn't count. And even though I thought that the bat's wings might have brushed my shoulder, I resisted the urge to run into the shower. Also, for some reason, I thought it would be smart to take a stick and bang it around in the room-with-the-bat through the ventilator. I hoped to achieve nothing whatsoever by doing this, but it seemed smart at the time. Then I sat in the drawing room armed with my stick, as I waited for mom to get home and shoo the bat away. I decided to stay put and guard the room till my mom arrived. I only left when I went to try on my new shorts, which as it turns out aren't brown but grey. Apparently I was struck with temporary colourblindness in the store. And hey don't judge me just 'cause new things make me not hyperventilate. We all have our security blankets.

Anyway, my mom got home and checked the room but the bad had flown out (hopefully it isn't lurking anywhere in the corner. Ah! What was that brushing against my leg?). I'm proud I didn't freak out. Well not completely anyway. Come on, bats are scary! I scream like a little girl at the sight of a lizard. So how, how in the name of all things pink and chocolaty did Mother Nature expect me to cope with a bat? Heck, I can barely handle a cricket bat without it flying out of my hands ten seconds into the game! So yes, I was extremely brave given the circumstances. I was!

And the strangest part? The whole time I was guarding the-room-with-the-bat, all I kept thinking was how this would make a good blog post. Bloggers Anonymous much?

Satire, Sarcasm, Mockery = ♥

2008-10-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

I found this amazingly hilarious website called Go Fug Yourself. Yes, a detailed explanation about the term "fug" can be found. It is basically a blog run by two girls who openly (sometimes subtly) make fun of certain fashion choices of celebrities. I know it's not nice to laugh at the fashion blunders of others and their comments border and tip toe their way on harsh but my god they're so funny that they'll make you laugh out loud (and/or snort out liquids that you might have foolishly been consuming while reading their posts). The site combines two of my favourite things - fashion and humourous writing plus it's a scathing laugh riot. Ha, fun!

Go check it out :-)

Ah, The Wonders Of Retail Therapy

2008-10-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Seriously you can never, ever go wrong with a bit of shopping to jazz up your life. I mean, what is life without shopping? Incredibly blah, that's what.

I bought my first pair of Converse sneakers today! Yes, yay! Remember how excited I was at the thought of owning a purple pair? Well, turns out, you don't really get the purple ones in India. But I got a nice olive green pair which is apparently called military green now. Eh. They kind of look like this. A shade darker, I think, white laces instead of military green and not so canvas-y and fluffy looking.

I also bought a couple of other things. Two pairs of plaid shorts to laze around the house, two pairs of jeans with which I'm in love, denim capris and brown shorts. I dragged my mom to so many places and she came without a fuss, for which I am eternally grateful. My mom's a smart one, she is. Usually when we're out shopping, I have to spend about 10 minutes convincing her how every little thing I have my eye on is a good investment. If I thought a particular nightwear item was adorable, her reaction would be "Why do you want to actually spend money on something you're never going to wear in public? Wear those (ratty old) clothes that you already have (which were new when I was 10)." Today, however we had decided a firm budget for me and not a rupee more. So when I spotted those cute little plaid shorts, this is how the conversation went:

Me: Ooh! Mom look! Those are soo cute! I want this one. Can I buy it? Please? Pretty please?

Mom: What is that for? [tone getting high pitched] Are you going to wear that outside? Look at how short it is!

Me: Mom, relax. It's for wearing at home. Can I buy a pair?

Mom: Oh. Yeah sure.

Me: [confused about which colour to pick] Which ones? Both are equally cute.

Mom: . . . .

Me: [all hesitant] Um... can I... uh... buyboththesepairs?

Mom: Sure.

Me: Really?! Thank you thank you thank you! Hey, wait a minute. You're only agreeing 'cause the money's coming out of my budget, right?

Mom: [grinning] Yup.

Anyway, by the time I got home, I had so many parcels in my hand (Mom insists on asking that each item be given in a separate bag. She really likes those bags. And free stuff). But I also like carrying all those bags 'cause it makes me feel like I've shopped a lot. Yes, I'm only slightly insane.

And even though I was so tired that I could have fallen asleep climbing up the stairs, and my feet were so sore that I was constantly hallucinating about a hot water foot bath, I was completely happy. Did I not tell you retail therapy works wonders?

P.S. New Converse! Yay-ness!

Apparently It's Diwali!

2008-10-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Well, Happy Diwali then. I can't believe I almost missed the first day of the holiday. I had no idea that it began today; not until I was very rudely awakened by the ghastly cracker cacophony at an unearthly hour this morning. Yeesh!

One thing I love about Diwali is that it is a brilliant excuse for me to splurge on shopping. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the festival of lights and the diyas and rangolis are really pretty and blah; but for me it'll always be the season de shopping! I'm not really a traditionalist when it comes to these things and hello, did I mention the shopping? Sure, the crackers are terribly annoying, but hey, there's nothing like a bit of retail therapy to brighten your mood.

Crackers. Aah. The bane of my happy Diwali existence. Everywhere you go these three (apparently four) days, every minute of the freakin' day, you just cannot escape the awful, awful noisy crackers. You have to be fully prepared to be awoken at a time no sane person should be up by the stupid, relentless noises that go on and on and on and on. And of course, if you're planning to catch up on your beauty sleep in the day or plan to tuck in early, fat chance mister. Did I not mention the relentlessness of the sounds? Even as I type, the crackers being burst below my building keep startling me. Argh!

And not only are these crackers slowly murdering the environment (air pollution and noise pollution), encouraging child labour, scaring innocent animals (not to mention humans. Those sounds send me into a cardiac arrest every single time), they are also just plain annoying. So, this Diwali, kids, say no to crackers and stop irritating the hell outta me. [/rant]

Five People Whose Butts Himesh Kicks

2008-10-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

This is a funny article I read in JAM yesterday. Some parts made me laugh out loud and be thankful that I wasn't drinking something. No plagiarism intended. I just wanna share what I really liked. The credit goes totally to Chirag Mahabal, a hilarious JAM writer and cartoonist. Enjoy :-)

P.S. You totally won't get it if you have no idea who Himesh Reshammiya is + you don't live in India (preferably Mumbai).

1. Santa Claus

You can love him(esh), or you can hate him(esh) but you can absolutely not ignore him(esh). How can you when every possible mode of transport known to man has him blaring on the speakers! He's taken hold of the rickshaws, the taxis, your car's stereo and now... even the buses! He's everywhere! So now Himesh knows when you're sleeping, Himesh knows when you're awake and Himesh knows if you've been good or bad so be good for Himesh's sake. Cab Santa even compete with that kind of influence? You only tell...

2. George Bush

So what if George Bush is the leader of the biggest superpower in the world? Does he have Himesh's cap? And does it really matter that the future of India's energy problem is in George Bush's hands? Does Bush have the ability to record 76,000 songs a day? George Bush has an entire staff of strategists and writers who spoon feed his speeches and his next steps to him. Himesh composes, writes, sings, acts in, decides the cinematography of, choreographs and decides the model that is going to act in his music video all my him(esh)self!

3. Muttiah Muralitharan

Ha! You think Muttiah Muralitharan has the unfair advantage of being able to bend and twist his arm to impossible degrees in order to spin the ball? Have you seen the extent to which Himesh twists his arm just to hold the microphone upside down? Imagine what he could do with a cricket ball! In a recently conducted survey, helpless infants and adolescent children were asked what scared them more - Murli's face when he released the spinning ball or Himesh's screaming new avatar in his latest film Karzzz. The results were overwhelming. Compared to Himesh's all teeth baring face, Murali looked like a story telling grandmother from England.

4. James Bond

So what if Bond has the coolest gadgets and the suave personality? Can he turn around asfastaslightning and scream out "Drop the gun I say... DROP THE GUN I SAY!"? So what if Bond has the cool Alfa Romeo in his latest movie? Can he summon a fleet of rickshaws to his help whenever he wants? Even if it is Europe or the Sudan Terrain? And so what if James Bond has the scantily clad women? Can he dance in weddings with teenage girls and still manage not to be called a paedophile? Abhi bol! Abhi BOL!

5. Michael Jackson

Wacko Jacko has his "Aaow!" But aapdo Himesss has his never ending, glass shattering, impossibly echoing "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!" You might have heard Michael Jackson's falsettos, but have you ever heard anything even remotely as nasal as Himesh's latest album? And Wacko Jacko achieved all his fame and fortune after changing his nose at least a hundred times. Himesh has sung all his superhit songs that have broken all the records WITH JUST ONE NOSE! In your reconstructed face, MJ!

Airtel is amusing :D

2008-10-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

I saw the new Airtel commerical promoting their voice SMS service today. And I thought it was really witty and cute. It has Saif Ali Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and Kareena Kapoor. It plays up the chemistry that Saif and SRK shared in Kal Ho Na Ho and it also cashes in on Saif and Kareena's relationship. The concept of the whole ad is really smart and not OTT and the person who thought of it should totally be appreciated. Charming :)

A Great Day :-)

2008-10-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

Today started out normally enough. Had to go to college for our upcoming BMM fest meeting. Since I was early and I hate waiting, I was pretty happy to be spotted by some of my junior college classmates and began chatting happily. And when they asked me whether I'd seen Ranbir Kapoor in H.R. (i.e. the college next to mine), I obviously thought there was some amount of leg pulling going on. But when they convinced me by pointing out the vanity van, camera crew and the fact that they'd seen him themselves, I became a teensy bit excited.

Don't get me wrong. I live in Mumbai, so I have chanced upon the odd celebrity here and there. Minor ones, but celebrities nonetheless. However, this was different. The three Bollywood men I love with all my heart are Abhishek Bachchan, Ranbir Kapoor and Imran Khan. So OK, maybe teensy bit excited was an understatement. Hoping to catch a glimpse of him, I stood at the gate for 15 minutes. When people asked me why I was on guard duty instead of going inside, I squealed excitedly that I was waiting for Ranbir Kapoor. Yeah I'm a fangirl. So sue me. But apparently, I was the only one excited 'cause every other person kept laughing at me and called him gay. Stupid, stupid people.

Eventually I did manage to see him. For a little less than a minute. And I'm still ecstatic! The unit members were very hostile towards us though. They shooed us away thrice. After that my pride was wounded and I refused to go stare at him again. Oh and the make up artists had crowded around Ranbir, so I couldn't see anything besides his clothes anyway (green tee, blue jeans. Yes, fangirls are obsessive).

I'm totally excited. But frankly, I think he looks better on screen than he does in person. And he looked extremely grumpy. He wouldn't even glance at the adoring crowd that strained to catch a glimpse of him, which, I thought, was extremely rude. Is it too much to ask to just smile and wave at your fans? Fans, without whom, you wouldn't be as popular as you are? The attitude left me miffed and kind of lowered my love. But hey, there's always Abhishek, right?

If Wishes Were Horses...

2008-10-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, if wishes were horses, I'd have half a dozen stables full! My most recent obsession is owning a pair of Converse sneakers. Desperate, desperate obsession. And not any old pair from the lanes of Bandra; but the original shoes, which (according to the official Converse website) are only supplied to Planet Sports outlets in India. So Planet Sports it is. I still can't imagine shelling out 2k for a pair of shoes. Footwear for God's sake! But then again, this obsession has a life of its own. I stare at the Converse website so often, I would have made it my homepage if I didn't think it would have been the final nail in my coffin of insanity. Until about 15 minutes ago, all I wanted was a pair of red hi-top chucks. Then, Fashionista.com introduced the whole new possibility of owning purple hi-top chucks! And I was hooked.

I am like a junkie and I want my drug. PurpleConverse PurpleConverse PurpleConverse PurpleConverse PurpleConverse. Hey, you never know; maybe if I say it enough, a pair of them will magically appear on my doorstep.

P.S. As long as my footwear related wishes are getting fulfilled, I wouldn't say no to a pair of these ballet flats I've been lusting after since this morning :)

And I'm Back!

2008-10-13T02:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes I am. After nearly a three month disappearing act, I'm back in blogdom. What made me come back? Some big event taking a hold of my life? No, nothing quite that dramatic. I'm just here 'cause I have exams going on and I'm skilfully dodging the books. Plus I'm trying to convince myself that since I have my Computer exam tomorrow, sitting in front of a computer counts as studying. Well it should!

Anyway, I have nothing to write about personal events except that I hate exams and I hate having to pretend to be studying. I read something interesting in yesterday's issue of YA! paper (yes, I like reading children's' newspapers. So?). The cover story focused on some really spooky coincidences that have taken place throughout history and I thought some of them were pretty good. So here you go.

Seeing Double

A German mother who photographed her infant son in 1914 left the film to be developed at a store in Strasbourg. In those days some film plates were sold individually. World War I broke out and unable to return to Strasbourg, the woman gave up the picture for lost. Two years later, she bought a film plate in Frankfurt, over 100 miles away to take a picture of her newborn daughter. When developed, the film turned out to be a double exposure, with the picture of her daughter superimposed on the earlier picture of her son. Through some incredible twist of fate, her original film, never developed, had been mislabeled as unused, and had eventually been resold to her.

Childhood Book

While American novelist Anne Parrish was browsing bookstores in Paris in the 1920s, she came upon a book that was one of her childhood favourites - Jack Frost and Other Stories. She picked up the old book and showed it to her husband, telling him about the book she fondly remembered as a child. Her husband took the book, opened it, and on the flyleaf found the inscription "Anne Parrish, 209 N Weber Street, Colorado Springs." It was Anne's very own book.

Poe Puzzle

In the 19th century, the famous horror writer, Edgar Allan Poe, wrote a book called The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym. It was about four survivors of a shipwreck who were in an open boat for many days before they decided to kill and eat the cabin boy whose name was Richard Parker.
Some years later, in 1884, the yawl, Mignonette, foundered, with only four survivors, who were in an open boat for many days. Eventually the three senior members of the crew killed and ate the cabin boy. The name of the cabin boy was Richard Parker.

Taxi Trouble

In 1975, while riding a moped in Bermuda, a man was accidentally struck and killed by a taxi. One year later, this man's brother was killed in the very same way. In fact, he was riding the very same moped. And to stretch the odds even further, the very same taxi driven by the very same driver - and even carrying the very same passenger struck him!

Mirror Images

The twin brothers, Jim Lewis and Jim Springer, were separated at birth, adopted by different families. Unknown to each others, both families named the boys James. Both James grew up not knowing of the other, yet both sought law enforcement training, both had abilities in mechanical drawing and carpentry, and each had married women named Linda. Both had sons, one of whom was named James Alan and the other named James Allan. The twin brothers also divorced their wives and married other women - both named Betty. And they both owned dogs which they named Toy.

Crowning Glory

In Monza, Italy, King Umberto I, went to a small restaurant for dinner, accompanied by his aide-de-camp., General Emilio Ponzia-Vaglia. When the owner took King Umberto's order, the King noticed that he and the restaurant owner were virtual doubles, in face and in build. Both men began discussing the striking resemblance between each other and found many more similiarities.
1. Both men were born on the same day of the same year, March 14, 1844.
2. Both men had been born in the same town.
3. Both men married a woman with the same name, Margherita.
4. The restaurateur opened his restaurant on the same day that King Umberot was crowned King of Italy.
5. On July 29, 1900, King Umberto was informed that the restaurateur had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident, and as he expressed his regret, an anarchist in the crowd assassinated him

And finally...

Revenge Killing

IN 1883, Henry Ziegland broke off a relationship with his girlfriend who committed suicide. The girl's enraged brother hunted down Ziegland and shot him. Believing he had killed Ziegland, the brother then took his own life. However Ziegland had not been killed. The bullet had only grazed his face, lodging into a tree. It was a narrow escape. Years later, Ziegland decided to cut down the same tree, which still had the bullet in it. The huge tree seemed so formiddable that he decided to blow it up with dynamite. The explosion propelled the bullet into Ziegland's head, killing him.

<(^_^<) (>^_^)>

2008-07-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday night was P-A-R-T-Y night. Whoo! My college had the convocation ceremony for the graduates slash the freshers party for the B.M.M. students. I think they had both at one go so 'cause they're way too miserly to shell out bucks for two parties. So they settled for one instead. That's just my theory though. Of course the college didn't really spend on this party either. They asked all the B.M.M. students to donate Rs. 200 for the party, so it was sort of like we're throwing the party for ourselves. That's kinda sad, yeah?

Anyhoo, everything was oodles of fun. Even the formal ceremony where the graduates got to wear their black gowns and caps. I was oh so jealous of all of them. And when they posed for photos and collectively threw their caps into the air, I got goosebumps. I can't wait to wear that gown and throw my very own cap!

The entertainment section was with the skit and dance and stuff. Oh then there were the chief guests; the most famous of them being Cyrus Broacha and Shiney Ahuja. I loved hearing Cyrus speak 'cause he was hilarious as always, and had the audience in splits with his slightest comment and expressions. He told us some inappropriate stories as well, which we students enjoyed tremendously but the principal looked scandalised. Cherry on our cake :-D

The most fun part of the evening was the afterparty, which was shocking 'cause I was sure I wasn't gonna dance. Not that I don't like dancing. I like it a lot. But only within the confines of my own home and without any witnesses. Bathroom dancer, if you will. Though that would be kind of weird 'cause high possibilities of me slipping and breaking my neck while dancing in the bathroom.

But when the D.J. started playing some of my favourite songs, I just couldn't resist. Hey, it was dark and the dance floor was crowded. No one was interested in seeing how bad I was at dancing. That's what I told myself, anyway. The crowded part was horribly true. At one point, there was a classmate dancing behind me, and I accidentally kept banging my head against his every few minutes. I would have been embarrassed but I'm still hoping he didn't notice me. Anyway, once I hit the dance floor, there was no stopping me. I danced and danced like a crazy person. And here I am, two days later, with my body still aching and my muscles still groaning at the torture I put them through. Ah well. The end.

rolling on the floor laughing well, not literally, duh.

2008-07-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Oh it's been too long since I posted. A week maybe? OK not that long then. Anyhoo, I found this amazingly hilarious site called Bash. It's a pretty simple site where users can post funny chats that they've been a part of or have witnessed. You would have to browse through the site to believe the hilarity that is generated on the Net in such large quantities. For example, this is a convo I found:

(egof) I'm not that nerdy, I've only seen 30% of the star trek episodes

(kaj) if you know what percentage of the star trek episodes you have seen, you are inarguably nerdy

(egof) it's unarguably

(kaj) you are not helping your case

*laughs*

Oooh and here's another one:

(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks?

(TheXPhial) vaccuums

(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?

(TheXPhial) black holes

(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what just isn't cool?

(TheXPhial) lava?

.... and another one:

(ZyblOre) get up

(ZyblOre) get on up

(ZyblOre) get up

(ZyblOre) get on up

(phxl|paper) and DANCE

* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<

([SA]HatfulOfHollow) i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

And this last one is just so unbelievably funny! It's a bit long, but make sure you hang on till the end ^_^

(DeadMansHand) haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk

(DeadMansHand) we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first

(DeadMansHand) took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out

(DeadMansHand) i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh

(DeadMansHand) What'd he say when he woke up this morning?

(Thirteen-) uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?

(DeadMansHand) holy f@#$

(DeadMansHand) i f@#$ing hope im wrong about what im thinking right now

(DeadMansHand) im f@#$ing going back to the beach to make sure

(DeadMansHand) if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this

(Thirteen-)

will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep S&%^

*quit: (DeadMansHand)*

(Tyran) wtf? pete came home last night you f@#$. Ken's going to be worrying about this s&%^ all day

(Thirteen-)

haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts

*join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)*

(PeteRepeat) f@#$ing ken

(PeteRepeat) ken... that f@#$er buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot

(quiqsilver) pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.

(PeteRepeat) oh f@#$.

(PeteRepeat) if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.

*quit: (PeteRepeat)*

(Thirteen-)

rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.

(Tyran) i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

Did I not promise you ensured hilarity? There are many more convos copy-pasted by the users and you should so check the site out. You can visit it through here. Check out the Top 100 and Top 200 too.

In case you thought neither of these were funny, go read another blog or something.

Green with envy

2008-07-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am so *so* jealous of my friend. He's off in Pune enjoying himself like crazy. He didn't get into the college of his choice here in Mumbai, so he decided to pursue his Bachelors in Mass Media in Pune. That by itself is nothing to be envious about. This is. He's living in an apartment which he rented with three of his classmates. It might not seem like such a big deal to those of you who are accustomed to this sort of thing, but me, I've never lived anywhere except Mumbai within the comforts (confines?) of my own home. His roommates hail from far flung places like Surat, Chennai and Delhi. Since their classes haven't started yet, they stay awake all night, talking and spend the day exploring the city and eating out at cheap restaurants. They're broke college students. What else did you expect?And here I am, studying BMM in a college that is apparently considered the Bombay IIT of BMM colleges. Which is to say, it's a pretty damn good college. It has always been a dream that I would study Mass Media in this college and I'm finally on my way to fulfilling my dream. And I'm miserable! I love the classes, don't get me wrong. It's just the people I can't stand. Most of them are townies or at least behave like they are. Townies is a term synonymous with people living in South Mumbai and they are generally considered to be class A snobs. So, obviously, these people are not my type of people. Then there's the nicer lot of people in my class. They are sweet and simple and everything. But I have the feeling they are too simple for my liking. They seem to like studying (oh, the travesty!) and refuse to bunk lectures even to watch Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na! A movie that I'm so desperate to watch that I'm ready to sit in the theatre all by myself without feeling the slightest trace of embarrassment. So, basically, neither of these people are my type of people! I just drift in and out of class smiling and being all nice while I'm cringing on the inside. And my friend has already made a bunch of friends. His classes haven't even begun! I would so trade places with him in a heartbeat.

If you think of a title, lemme know!

2008-07-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming even lazier than usual. I should post more often, yeah? Well, I did start college so busy-busy. Anyway, the whole point of this too-late post is, I saw this wonderful print ad in yesterday's newspaper. The article I spotted it in was about how print ads don't necessarily have to be short to make an impact. They just have to be catchy. Boy, is that true! I totally loved the concept of the ad even though it's grim. This ad is by Contract Advertising and it won the Cannes Gold Lion this year. For those of you who don't know, the Cannes Gold Lion awards are to advertising what the Oscars are to movies.

Like I said, grim. But wonderfully done. (If the pic is too small to view, just click on it).

P.S. For those of you who didn't understand the ad *glares at the offender* read the fine print at the bottom. It says "In India, every year 1.1 million unborn baby girls die before they're born. To stop female foeticide, contact the Aadhar Association at 022 - 28885018

The ad is about spreading awareness about female foeticide and jolting the readers' sensibility people! It's not just some sick twisted thing that I fell in love with! Jeez!

Free Hug Campaign

2008-06-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

This video link was passed on to me by Tanuj and I am so in love with the entire thing. The guy in the video is the first person to launch the Free Hug Campaign in India. I had never heard of this concept before, and now that I have, I am still so much in shock at the awesomeness of it. The whole basic idea is this. People aka huggers just stand on the street with posters/sheets of paper that have "Free Hugs" written on them. The huggers go to different places or may even choose a particular spot with just one goal in mind. Hug as many people as they can. Why? So that they can spread a little bit of cheerfulness in someone's life. That's right. They hug random strangers (only those that come upto them to be hugged, of course) in an effort to bring smiles on the peoples' faces. No money involved, no selfish motive. They just want to hug, be hugged and spread the love. How amazingly fantabulous is that? When I watched the video, I was so touched that I became all teary eyed. Something of this sort, in India of all places, is unheard of! Women here are already suspicious enough of strange men on the road. And hugging an unknown guy? Not even in their wildest dreams! But he still did it. And was so so successful. People of all ages took part in this hugathon. I had no idea that this concept was a global thing. Kudos to Juan Mann who thought of it and to the countless people all over the world who haven't hesitated to hug and be hugged without any inhibitions. If you want to know more about this campaign, look here and here. Hope you enjoy the video. :)

"Be a love pharmacist: dispense hugs like medicine - they are!" - Terri Guillemets

MTV Splitsvilla - Reality Bites

2008-06-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

As soon as I saw the promos for this show, I knew I was gonna hate it on principle. The concept of the entire show has to be one of the most insulting ones I've come across. The basic idea is this. There are two snooty guys who are convinced that they're god's gift to females everywhere. They can do and say whatever they want 'cause hey, they are the catch. Then you have 20 girls. I still cannot believe that they got even 1 girl to be a part of this show, let alone 20. These girls will resort to anything and everything to grab the guys' attention which includes prancing around in minimal clothing and cheap, attention grabbing stunts like dancing atop tables. All this insanity for what? A chance to find their "Mr. Perfect", earn 5 lakh rupees and host a show on MTV. Pathetic wouldn't be an overstatement here. It looks like these girls have left every last ounce of dignity and self-respect they had back home and come to be a part of this dating reality show. I think it's an extremely demeaning concept for a show, no less coming from the makers of Roadies; a show which I really enjoyed. Even though I think it is sexist, I would be equally offended had it been 2 girls and 20 guys. The basic idea of the whole show is stupid.

The only thing I like about the show is Ranvijay who is really cute and wears great clothes *grins* I used to like Varun (one of the two arrogant guys) too in the good old Roadies days, but that was before I read on the official MTV Splitsvilla website that he had once had the audacity to use this so called pick-up line "Nice pair of mountains, when will I get a chance to climb them?" It is things like this that make me lose faith in the human race.

Grumpiness >:(

2008-06-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a teensy bit grumpy, and I've decided to put that to some use by making a post out of it. I realised I hadn't written for a while so here's something productive I did with my not-so-great mood. Tada!

A list of things I *absolutely* loathe!

(1) Bad grammar. Oh my god you people with sucky English, stop talking! Go speak another language or something.

(2) The rain. Refer to previous post.

(3) People who don't reply to my text messages or reply horrendously late with no explanation whatsoever. Have you not heard of common courtesy?

(4) Pigeons. Why are they here? No idea. Of what use are they? Absolutely none. What do they do? Nothing except sitting around and startling people with their scary red eyes. What should they be doing? Stop existing.

(5) People who honk unnecessarily and continually at traffic jams. Your stupid horn isn't going to magically make the cars move ahead believe it or not!

(6) People who tYpE LiKe tHiS.

(7) Or lyk dis. For all those of you who think tawkin lyk dis iz kewl, it's called English. Learn it.

(8) Being broke. Money can't buy you happiness, eh? Well I'm sure there are loads of things I can buy to stave off depression if I had some.

(9) Taxi and rickshaw drivers who won't take me to my French class from Bandra station or home from Elphinstone station just 'cause the fare would be minimum. I get rejected by some 5-6 taxis or ricks before someone finally pities me. And it makes me want to curse all those taxiwallas and rickshawwallas to oblivion!

(10) Bad English. Yeah, it deserves to be on here twice.

Let There Be Rain..... Or Not

2008-06-12T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year again. Rain, rain and more rain. Monsoons right? What's not to love? The infamous Mumbai floods, the resultant traffic jams, the inability to remain dry - oh yeah, no wonder so many people await the rains so eagerly. Yes, I'm anti-monsoon 'cause it screws up my Internet and then I have absolutely no life; either offline or online.

I like the whole idea of the rain, more than the actual season. Sure it sounds great. And it acts as a great heat dispel-ler. The clichéd fantasy of sitting near your window as it pours, sipping hot cocoa or eating hot buttered corn, or curled up with your favourite novel, seems pretty good when you think about it. But the fact of the matter is that everyone can't spend four months doing nothing. It would get a tad boring, not to mention the havoc it would create in the city. "Where's the doctor?! My wife's gone into labour!" "Oh, I'm sorry, she'll just have to wait. The doctor is busy eating buttered corn at the moment." Yeah, not that great, eh? And getting wet in the rain is fun if you have nothing else to do. But when you're returning home from college and it starts to pour, you're more worried about protecting your bag/books from getting drenched rather than dancing about as if there's no tomorrow (I've always found this phrase a bit stupid. Of course there's a tomorrow. How can there not be? You don't expect to skip straight to next week, do you? Well unless you've built a time machine or something, I think not).

Franky speaking, the monsoon is just a major pain. Your jeans get all muddy and have to be washed daily but they take ages to dry. The umbrella and the windcheater have to be the most useless inventions ever. Maybe they actually work in places other than Mumbai. But here, whichever I use, I still end up completely drenched. Even if I use both together. Maybe they're no match against the stubborn Mumbai rains. And then there are the floods. Ever since that July day in 2005, we Mumbaikars have gotten accustomed to experiencing something regularly, something we'd only read about earlier. The floods *scary music* It's become something of a trend now to boast about how much water your vicinity has gathered. "Oh! You know, there's ankle deep water outside my building!" "Ha! That's nothing! In my area, it's knee deep. So there!" Wading through the flooded areas has become second nature to most Mumbaikars. So has grumbling about the slow or, in some cases, non-existent train services in the city. It all ends up being the government's fault.

But the thing that pisses me off most is the disrupted Internet services. Even on good days, my net speed is nothing to boast about. But come the monsoons, it becomes a bloody snail. No site opens. The only thing that works is ICQ where I while away time playing trivia, as mom continually calls the Internet provider and harasses him. After I harass mom to call him, that is. It's all a vicious cycle.

Oh, my Internet is working properly again *celebratory dance* Enough of this anti-monsoon tirade. It's time for some Facebook-ing. Adios!

Yeah, wonders of the glorious rains, eh?

Delhi Stuff

2008-06-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

OK so here's presenting... a long overdue post. I can't even say something like I was sick or busy or something 'cause I wasn't. Just plain old laziness.

Anyhoo, I had gone to Delhi with this set pre-conceived notion that it was gonna be terrible. I have this amazing superiority complex about all things Mumbai and hate anything Delhi. Well maybe not hate, but hold a strong dislike for. But it wasn't that bad. Mumbai still rocks and everything, and I can never imagine actually living in Delhi, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. On the 1st day, me and Tanuj were just plain jinxed. There's no other explanation. We tried to watch Chronicles of Narnia; the important word being tried. On the first attempt, he couldn't find any parking spot for his car, we didn't get tickets anyway 'cause we were late for the show and in the end his car got towed away. Being the positive people that we are, we tried to make the best outta the situation and catch an evening show at another movie theatre. Clearly the car hated us, 'cause on the way there, it got a puncture. Yeah. By that time I was pissed at the entire world. First the torturous train ride, now this. I was not loving Delhi. But then the shawarma dinner was delicious and cheap, which made me less grumpy. Next day I shopped, ate Momos (again, very cheap) and went to Big Chill which is the most fabulous restaurant I've ever been to. It has a fantastic ambience with Hollywood movie posters, mostly from the 1950's and 60's. It also had a Pirates of the Caribbean poster though and I was hooked. How could I not love an eatery that has Johnny Depp on its wall? I fell in love with the menus too and I wouldn't have thought it below my dignity to steal one. I managed to convince myself outta that plan, unfortunately. All in all, I still don't love Delhi, but I kinda in-an-odd-sort-of-way miss it. I *loved* the houses there (such huge, magnificent villas), the food that I had was great, loved the open spaces, giggled at the traffic jam caused by cattle but Mumbai still kick's Delhi's butt.

5 Reasons Why I Would Never Abandon Mumbai for Delhi

(1) The men there are horrible lechers. Much worse than in Mumbai even, which I didn't think was possible.

(2) Delhi doesn't have Vada Pav. How am I supposed to survive?

(3) Horrendously hot in summer. Frigidly freezing in winters. Only tolerable during the monsoon and I don't like the rain.

(4) No Arabian Sea = No beaches, No walks along Nariman Point = No Me.

(5) Mumbai is Mumbai. No other city like it. Yeah I'm a Mumbai snob. Didn't I warn you about the superiority complex?

P.S. Where would the world be without Wikipedia?

Dilemmas and such

2008-06-05T02:31:00.000-07:00

I love travelling in trains, I really do. Especially inter-state trains, where I get really excited at the prospect of sleeping on the uppermost bunk. And I love how I get to see an India, different from the one I know in Mumbai, as I journey. Large fields, countless trees, small bustling cities, women carrying water pots on their heads, goats and sheep, children playing outside their huts; everything that I don't get to see in Mumbai. I enjoy it thoroughly. But everything has its limits. And staying cooped in the train for 31 hours; 8.5 hours more than intended, and you're bound to get frustrated with life.

What happened was this. I had to go to Delhi for an exam, which by train, takes around 24 hours. Due to the Gujjar problem in Rajasthan however, my train which was supposed to reach Delhi at 10.30 in the morning, pulled in at New Delhi station at 7 in the evening. And you really learn to appreciate the pleasures of standing on firm, solid ground once you've spent 31 hours in a constantly moving train. You learn to appreciate a lot of things, actually. Like a comfortable bed, clean loos which are actually stationary, cold water on a hot day (the ice in the train pantry ran out at one point), cold Pepsi, legroom, privacy. I have never hated anyone with such intensity as much as I hated the entire Gujjar tribe in the train. I was on the verge of desperate, helpless tears at one point and at another, I was convinced that the train was never going to reach Delhi. It was just going to turn and head back to Mumbai. I harassed my mom continually and I even threatened to jump out of the train a couple of times 'cause I was so fed up of the huge metal monstrosity. The people selling tea calling out "Chai Chai", the people selling water, those calling out various food items; I was ready to shoot them all. And then New Delhi station. Literally like a light at the end of the tunnel. My respite from this hell-hole (ok maybe not a hell-hole but hey, you try sitting in a train for 31 hours and let's see how you feel then!). I was at peace at last.

The Paschim Express. 31 hours of pure torture.

New Found Love

2008-06-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

I've found a new love and it's called Cyanide & Happiness. I can't believe that I've never heard of this before; even though it's been around since forever (or more specifically since 2005). It's basically a comic strip series. What makes it so amazingly awesome is it's hilarious writing. The graphics aren't all that much; just your glorified stick figures. But the content, oh my god. For example :

How can you not burst into insane amounts of laughter with this? It's physically impossible. Ok yeah Cyanide & Happiness comics are politically incorrect, may also offend some people. Sometimes they're downright dumb. But oh so hilarious. If loving them is wrong, I don't want to be right! Another one :

Bwahahaha! Oh I'm so in love. All right then, one last one before I'm off.

Come on now. Admit it. You love it too. Oh here's where you'll find many, many more. Just take a look at the archives for ensured hilarity.

P.S. Just click on the pics to view them in a larger mode.

. . . And I'm Back!

2008-06-02T05:24:00.000-07:00

Yes I am. Back from Delhi. So expect a few posts on my trip later. Right now I'm feeling way too lazy, so yeah. Anyway, I'm just writing this post to tell all those of you who haven't read The Kite Runner to kill yourself and then go buy a copy. Don't borrow one, buy it. I had read this book some time back but was re-reading it on the train ride to and from Delhi. I absolutely adore that book and I don't know anyone who hasn't immediately fallen in love with it; even people who don't read all that much. It's a truly touching tale and I won't spoil it for you by giving out the plot but, trust me, you just cannot not read it. And I dare you not to cry at least once throughout the whole book. Even if your heart is made of stone, you will feel your eyes well up at some point or the other. I, of course, burst into tears multiple times, which was sort of embarrassing 'cause I was in the train and people kept looking at me like they were worried for my sanity. Yeah. It's that heartwarming. I mean yeah, I cried even when Dumbledore died, but this book made many hard hearted people weep too so it has to be great. Get your copy today if you haven't already read it. After killing yourself for having waited this long, that is.

P.S. I can't wait to read A Thousand Splendid Suns by the same author.

PostSecret ♥

2008-05-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

Look what secret I found on PostSecret's Facebook profile ^_^

Bwahaha! That's hilarious! I recently discovered PostSecret and I think it's an amazing concept. It started out as a blog on our very own Blogger and now books are published too. It's like a huge art project where people send in their hand decorated post cards revealing a secret of theirs anonymously. There are no restrictions on the secret, it can be absolutely anything. The site can be found here. I am in love with the whole thing and you should definitely check it out. The site gets updated every Sunday. If you liked the concept too, be sure to check it weekly 'cause there's no option for archives there. So you can't see the previous posts. The posts range from funny ones like the one above to really serious, disturbing ones so tread carefully. Other than all that, it's a lot of fun. Adios for now!

Grrrr >:(

2008-05-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

This is purely a rant post. My yahoo committed suicide. It won't work. And what's worse, Yahoo mail won't work either. It has the audacity to say that I typed my password wrong. What The F. What sadistic pleasure does Yahoo get from keeping me away from my mail and friends. What does it want from me. And the worst part, it's working for others but not for me. Die Yahoo D.I.E.

Yeah, in case you didn't notice, I'm grumpy.

MTV Roadies The Finale

2008-05-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Finale was loads of fun though I don't think the Roadies would agree. Ashu won; surprise surprise. I don't think there was anyone who didn't already know the outcome beforehand. But it was the way he won that was so much fun. And the things the other Roadies had to go through made the entire finale so deliciously awesome.

Basically the finalists, Ashu and Nihal, had nothing to do. Oh except for choosing their team mates, which was an exercise in futility 'cause the evil mastermind that is Raghu switched their teams anyway. Oh and they had to do a bit of slapping too. But apart from that - nothing. The remaining Roadies on the other hand... well let's just say things didn't turn out so hot for them. The five tasks they had to choose between were :

Kiss an iguana for a minimum of 5 seconds

(yeah this horrible yucky thing)

Get your nipples pierced

Get slapped by the captain aka finalist of the opposite team

Get your head shaved

Donate all your clothes i.e. every single garment you're wearing to captain of the opposite team and use newspaper and a stapler to cover your nakedness

Now with tasks like these how can it be possible that the show wasn't fun? What I find incredibly hard to digest is the fact that the Roadies actually participated in this insanity. They were apparently doing it for themselves; to prove that they had the Roadies Spirit. All that is fine and all, but seriously? They didn't even get a share of the money or anything. Some people might call it their sporting attitude. I call it utter stupidity. Well Snehashish and Varun did get a Karizma for all that they put up with. But still! *shakes head in wonder* When the result was a tie and Rannvijay announced that Sonel would get the deciding vote; the looks on the Roadies' faces was priceless. I laughed out loud.

All in all it was a very good end to an extremely good season. If I get pics of the tasks being performed, I'll definitely upload them. For now I'm off with this fantastic song stuck in my head called Bubbly by Colbie Caillat. Google it.

P.S. When Ashu called his mom she burst into tears demanding to know where he was and Nihal was all bewildered and asked him whether he ran away from home or something. I found that very funny for some reason.

Doing your bit

2008-05-23T01:09:00.000-07:00

Greenpeace volunteers light candles on the rocks in front of the Bakhtawar residence of the chairman of the Tata group, Ratan Tata, during a protest in Mumbai.

Greenpeace is protesting against the Tata group for a proposed deep sea port in Orissa.

The Olive Ridley Turtle is one of the smallest species of sea turtles. It is also highly endangered. Orissa is one of the planet's last places where these turtles nest. If the Tatas build a port here, it's likely that the turtles would disappear and along with them an entire ecosystem would vanish. That's right, if the port is built, the Olive Ridley Turtles would go the way of the Dodo bird and never be seen again. Can you imagine a whole species ceasing to exist just because an industrialist couldn't be bothered about all this environmental talk and went ahead with what he wanted to do?

To find out more go here : Save the Turtles.

And while you're there, just sign the petition, yeah? It'll just take you a couple of minutes and it's not that tough either. Just sign the damn thing. And in the process you'll just be saving a species from extinction.

Air Buddies!

2008-05-18T05:01:00.000-07:00

Air Buddies has to be the most adorable movie ever made. I mean seriously, how much cuter can it get than 5 puppies with lovable voices and personalities. I was switching channels last night when I happened to come across this movie and I'm so glad I did. I didn't watch it right from the start but I definitely want to.

Rosebud, Bud-dha, B-Dawg, Budderball and Mudbud are oh so adorable with their crazy antics. I was giggling throughout most of the movie. It's a harmless flick for kids that I absolutely loved. There's this one line towards the end "It's not the size of the puppy in the game; it's the size of the game in the puppy" which made me smile. And another line by Rosebud when she and her brothers are confronted by a wolf and have nowhere to run "I am puppy. Hear me roar!" I loved this line for its cuteness. And then one of the other pups says "I take back what I said about girl power. Girl power rules!" Ha! I love *love* this movie. If you're into fluffy feel-good flicks (nice alliteration :P), then you should totally check this movie out. It's a funny movie and it rocks! Much love, adios!

MTV Roadies Part One

2008-05-18T03:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's show was fun! Though not as fun as next week's finale is gonna be, as far as I can make out from the promos. I had assumed yesterday was the finale, actually. But no worries, I'm *waiting desperately* for next week's show; even though I know who the winner is gonna be. I've known that Ashu wins for quite some time now. Almost after the first couple of episodes. It was possibly the worst kept secret ever. The Roadies should be made to sign contracts or something to make them shut up about the final result. Anyway, the episode is still sure to be oodles of fun. From what I could make out from the promos, Shambhavi gets slapped really hard, Ankita and Anmol have to kiss some ugh lizard type reptile, Snehashish gets half his head shaved off and Varun gets really hurt. And there's sure to be loadsa bitching too. I can't wait! I've followed this show religiously right from the start without missing a single episode. Right from Goa to er, wherever they are right now. Damn I forgot. Curse my infernal memory! Without doubt the highlights of this season were :

The strip quiz. I don't think I've ever laughed that much on any other episode of Roadies.
The first major accident involving Ayaaz and Shambhavi. Two words - Shirtless Ayaaz.
The sight of the Roadies' faces when the eliminated Roadies were called back to have another shot.
The Ladyboy task! Laughed my head off.
Eating an assortment of bugs. It was disgustingly fun to watch.

The MTV Tickr poking fun at the Voted Out Roadies, which was introduced after Ayaaz's elimination is the greatest invention ever. So mean yet oh-so-funny. I *love* it.

However, I did think that the other Roadies were way too harsh on Sonel after she returned to the hotel room. They were unnecessarily mean and bitchy. Were I in her place, I would have probably burst into tears and run outta the room or something. The show is amazingly fun to watch but I would *hate* to actually be in it.

Until next time. Adios!

:|

2008-05-17T01:29:00.000-07:00

My mom was telling me about something that happened to the sweeper in her office. He and a couple of friends were lounging about near a shop at Gateway of India when he saw a lady approach. She was holding a tiny baby, barely a couple of days old. She walked up to the shop and asked the shopkeeper if he had a bag since the baby was being bothered by the harsh sunrays. The guy handed her a paper bag and she carefully covered the baby with it. Meanwhile, the sweeper was looking at her. She went to the wall that acts as a barrier between the road and the sea below. She looked around and when she was sure no one was watching, she dropped the baby into the freakin water! Seriously. One of the fishermen immediately jumped in after the child and saved him. The paper bag saved the baby's life and she was still breathing. The sweeper and other people rounded on the heartless lady angrily and demanded to know what the hell she thought she was doing. At first she defended herself by saying that the baby "slipped" from her hands. Then, on account of the indignant protests by the sweeper and the other people who saw her throw the poor baby into the sea, she broke down. Her defense was that she had to do it 'cause apparently her husband left her since she gave birth to a girl. This woman now held her baby responsible and believed that if she didn't exist, her marriage would be saved. Needless to say, she was handed over to the nearest police station. I am still in shock. I cannot believe what happened. How could the woman even think of doing something like that? And what was the baby's mistake? That she was born a girl? Here, mothers start crying if their children fall mildly ill, and there she was ready to kill her daughter? What kind of a person does that!? And the husband. No swear words are good enough. I feel so sorry for the little girl. What horrid barbaric parents. Along with the lady, her husband should also be jailed for life.

And they say India is developing.

The Meaning of Life

2008-05-15T02:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me and my friend were both bored, online with nothing to do. So we decided to discuss deep meaningful stuff like answers to the question "What is life?" Here are the two explanations I came up with:-

Life is like a balloon. It doesn't make a lot of sense and if a car runs over it, it's gone.

Life is like a penguin. Everyone likes it but sometimes it stinks.

Pretty deep and meaningful, eh? The end. ^_^

In Love ♥

2008-05-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

My new love. I warned you I've become dangerously obsessed with fashion, didn't I?

P.S. I wish I had found a new obsession with something that doesn't cost a whole load of money. Or any money. Like oxygen or something. Oh well *looks at the dress and sighs*

Teens aren't completely useless after all!

2008-05-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation - Pearl S. Buck

This post is about the owner of this amazingly funky website Whateverlife.com. Her name is Ashley Qualls. It's not so much about her website (which is very useful for some HTML tips, funky graphics and other Myspace stuff) but it's about her and her life (or what I've learned about it thanks to Wikipedia).

Ashley is the founder and owner of the hugely popular site whateverlife.com. The site is so popular that in September 2006, she bought a $250,000 house and paid for it in cash. And this entrepreneur is all of 17 years old! Yeah! In 2004, when she was only 14, Ashley started the website which basically consisted of HTML tutorials and free Myspace layouts and its costs were covered completely by advertising revenue. And (according to Wikipedia without which this post would be non-existent) "this website now receives several times more traffic than circulations for popular teen magazines Seventeen, Teen Vogue and CosmoGirl combined"! This from a girl who had no connections, no formal training, no rich relatives, no business professionals in the family and who dropped out of high school before she turned 16 to concentrate on her website. She didn't completely forgo her education though. She took classes through an online high school. She also attended a local college to earn credits for her diploma. She lives with her mom, younger sister and a horde of pets. And here's the curve ball - her mother was a retail data collector and now she works for her daughter for $500 a week! Oh yeah! Ashley is her mom's employer! How cool is that? She can actually say "Mom either let me go to the party or no pay check this week!" *grins* In addition to this, in September 2007, she obtained legal emancipation (yeah I had no idea what it meant either but Wikipedia to the rescue!) which means that now she has the same legal status as adults.

What an unbelievably fantastic life story this is. And she's not even old enough to vote! I *love* how inspiring and creative and smart she is. Just goes to show that anything is possible as long as you're ready to go after it. You have to stick to your dreams, not let go of them and be ready to chase them until they come true. Like Mark Twain once said, twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Much Ado About Nothing

2008-05-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

Ok I wanna write about something, I really do. The problem is, I have nothing to write about. My life is so mind numbingly dull at the moment. If I started writing about it, I'd fall asleep half way through it myself. And I just can't think of any topic to write about. Nothing. At first I thought about how since I'm having such a tough time I should write about writer's block. Seemed brilliant at the time. After all, I'd be killing two birds with one stone. Problem is, there's not much to write about writer's block (yeah, I know, shocking!). The words "It sucks" pretty much sums up the whole thing. I need a life so I can blog about it!

Oh! *candle flashes over head* (because light bulbs use up more energy than candles. duh.) I know something I can write about. How about my sudden frightening obsession with all things related to fashion? Oh my god, it's scary. Ever since Tanuj told me he's gonna take me shopping, I've become like this fashion obsessed monster who cannot think about anything else. Which is so unlike me. I'm not this person I've become. I don't think I like her. She actually prefers clothes to books! Who is this scary person who has taken over my mind and body?! You know what I'm doing because of me being possessed? I'm reading fashion blogs. No, seriously. I come online and I read blogs dedicated to fashion. And not chindi fashion like the one we find on Linking Road and Hill Road, but more like designer fashion (though I prefer street fashion anyway and that's probably 'cause I'm broke). This fashion thing is like a drug; I can't stay away even though I want to. What happened to the girl who didn't mind wearing the same pair of jeans regularly or who was perfectly happy roaming around in the same old 3-4 tops. Or who, given the choice between books and clothes, would laugh in the face of fashion and pick books without hesitation? Where is that girl? I miss that girl. I was that girl!

I'm not saying paying attention to fashion and being trendy is a bad thing; but being obsessed? Severely obsessed? I think that calls for psychiatric help or medical attention at least. It's just not me. I will stop. I have to stop. I'm closing all the tabs that have the word fashion in them. Or shoes. Or purses. Or accessories. Yeah I'm closing the browser. And done. Whew, loadsa melodrama eh?

In other news, ballet flats are really very cute.

How adorable are these? I'm gonna see if I can find a pair like these in Bandra

These are amazingly pretty too. I don't think I'll find something like this in Bandra, but you never know.

Maybe not as comfy as Oshos, but definitely a whole lot prettier. I already own a white and silver pair (which I'm totally in love with) but I have my eyes on these black and gold ones I saw at Hill Road. There were really extremely gorgeous. Oh and I googled ballet flats and I see lots of designer ones. Why become kangaal buying designer flats when you can get them for 150-200 bucks at Hill Road? *shakes head at designer labels*

Yeah I know what I said about closing all fashion related tabs. And I did. I just opened new ones. Like I said, it's like a drug; pulls me right back in. Maybe I can deal with it by splurging on shopping. Wotsay?

Heh

2008-05-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

Was reading the latest issue of JAM when I read this which is so rude and so funny and just so awesome :

It's not like I hate you. I just don't your face and I'm not particularly fond of your body odour. I also think the world would be a better place if you didn't exist. Infact die.

*laughs herself into a fit*

Now here are some pics to keep you amused:

Tashan!

2008-05-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

I went to watch Tashan with a friend yesterday inspite of everyone telling me it was an awful movie and not to waste my money. But me and this friend have this unfortunate trait of liking almost any movie, no matter how terrible it is. Frankly, I was expecting Tashan to be horrendous after all the reviews and opinions. It was kinda predictable, downright silly in some places with Akshay and his impossible stunts and the shootout with him escaping most of the bullets. It had silly humour, sudden outbursts of unnecessary songs, flashbacks, a pretty much non-existent plot line. And I loved it all! Seriously LOVED the movie! I don't understand why everyone didn't like the movie. Well almost everyone; my friend liked it too. It was a completely commercial, typically timepass movie. And what's wrong with that? I mean it kept me entertained and didn't slow down or bore me and had awesomely catchy songs. What more could I want? Contrary to the reviews, I didn't find anything wrong with Kareena's or Saif's acting. The entire movie was loadsa fun. I would make an atrocious film critic and that's fine. I loved the movie and would definitely watch it again. I so want to watch it again but I don't think anyone would come with me, judging by the almost empty theatre. *sigh*

This post is dedicated to Tashan's title song which made the action sequences so much fun! *sings Taali Bajave Naache Gaave... Apna Jeena Toh Jeenaaa... Tashan Mein Tashan Mein Tashan Mein Tashan Mein...*

Oshos = <3

2008-04-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

I love *love* Oshos. They're my new favourite things; right after skirts and cargo capris and ballet flats. The whole Oshos trend started a while ago. But I never really got around to buying them. My mom, however, had bought herself a pair of Osho chappals long before the trend caught on. My friend has five, yeah FIVE pairs of Oshos. I decided to get myself a pair as well. And let me tell you they are the best thing ever! (I'm just saying best thing ever till I find the next thing I fall in love with) They come in a wide range of colours; though black is the most preferable 'cause it'll go with anything. They're cheap too which make them all the more lovable. Literally dirt cheap; they cost like a grand total of 50 bucks. And the best part is that they are so super comfy! You don't have to deal with shoe bites and all that crap. And since it's summer, it'll look great on any casual outfit. So what's not to love. I, in fact, loved them so much that I got myself two pairs - one black and the other pink. Surprisingly I couldn't find them anywhere on Linking Road. Ballet flats are the rage there. I did manage to find them in Hill Road though; at a small shop near St Stanislaus. They're really such a bargain and I *love* them. Oh wait, I mentioned them already. Eh well.

P.S. For some strange unfathomable reason, I can't seem to upload the pic I have of Oshos which I found after so much hard work! *makes angry face*

P.P.S. After much trying and cursing and whacking the computer, I *finally* managed to upload the pic. So yay.

Beauty x x

2008-04-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

~Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye - Miss Piggy~

~People often say that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing you're the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves. - Salma Hayek~

Others' Embarrassment = My Amusement :D

2008-04-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have this friend. Let's call her Maya. She is completely boy crazy. Loves cute guys with a passion. So passionately, in fact, that she hunts out for profiles of random cute guys on Orkut and Facebook. Most of the guys she comes across happen to be from Pakistan (Pakistani guys are *hot*) So now I'm reaching the whole climax of my little story. The other day, she came upon yet another profile on Facebook of a cute Pakistani guy. She added him and he accepted her Friend request. Now comes the good part. She went to check out his profile which had been set to private earlier. She glanced at his status message. What do you think it said? *insert name* is shaving her head off. That's right; her head off. Now "Maya" was troubled. Either this cute Paki dude had really terrible grammar (confusing gender) or... *the unthinkable* "Maya" quickly went to check out the album. And, you guessed it, the cute Paki guy turned out to be a Paki gal!! For real! No kidding. Now why this girl chose to put up a DP which confuses her gender is something only she'll be able to tell us. Obviously when "Maya" told me about this and showed the questionable DP as proof, I did the only thing a true friend would do in times of embarrassment. I laughed like a crazy person and mocked her continuously. And the whole point of this blog is, of course, to continue the mockery. And the only reason I'm not using her real name is I greatly value my health and life.

So this post is dedicated to "Maya" for adding constant laughter to my life. Love ya you insane chick!

Take a look

2008-04-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well this isn't really a *post* post. It's basically just some promotion on my part. Promotion of my alternate blog. It's not a new blog 'cause that would mean I'm abandoning this blog. I'm not. I'll just write on both blogs... once I figure out what to write about ^_^ Anyway, I had created it a few days back. Almost a month, actually. But I kinda forgot to promote it here... so yeah. The whole reason behind the creation of the totally not needed blog will be clear to you once you read the first post in *that* blog. (Yes, shameless promotion. Whaddaya expect?) So here you go... The blog. The alternate blog. Not the new blog 'cause that would be abandonment. Yeah.

http://on-the-brink-of-sanity.blogspot.com/

Yes, I love the name :D

2008-03-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed - Jonathan Swift

This Jonathan guy is one smart dude. Everywhere you turn, you face disappointments. Things are disappointing. People are disappointing. Life sucks 'cause it is so bloody disappointing. But you have to suck it up and deal 'cause god forbid you actually take a moment to wallow in your disappointment. Just stick a smile on your face and you're set.

Someone, somewhere, has a really sick sense of humour.

New Beginnings

2008-03-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

So... I made a new blog. Yup yup. Even though I barely write in my other blog. Well the purpose for creating this blog wasn't to just prove that I could have multiple blogs in the same site (which I so totally can! how cool is that?). The real reason is, and it might sound crazy but that's just 'cause it is, emotional attachment. Yeah.

The thing is I get attached to the absurdest things. Usually just about anything and everything. I'm completely useless during cleaning that involves throwing out stuff. Just can't do it. My mom gets so frustrated at me being such a pack rat. The scenario goes pretty much like this:

(While attempting to get the house cleaned by throwing out junk)
Me: Ooooh this doll is so pretty! When did we get this?

Mom: When you were 4.

Me: Oh. You still kept it after all these years?

Mom: No. *You* kept it after all these years. You absolutely refused to let me give it away.

Me: But that's silly. It's so old. We don't need it.

Mom: Exactly. So put it in the rubbish pile.

Me: (Having second thoughts) No, but I *might* need it later.

Mom: Why would you ever need a doll?

Me: I dunno. I could for some unforeseen situation!

Mom: If in case you are ever in need of a doll, I'll buy you a new one.

Me: But... but... I'll miss this one!

Mom: You didn't even know we had it until about 2 minutes ago. Throw it out.

Me: NO!

By now, mom has realized it's pretty much useless persuading me so she doesn't even try. I even get attached to my desktop wallpaper. Heck, when I was younger, I got all emotional because our old smaller TV set was being given away and a brand new bigger one was gonna take its place. I kept thinking that the old set would miss us and what if nobody bought it or no one loved it. I think I even hugged it goodbye before the men took it away. I'm not insane. I just sound it.

So getting back to the new blog topic, I found this new template (the one I'm using right now) which I absolutely fell in love with. But the thing is, I felt bad for my old template; which is also nice but I wanted this one. So I couldn't bring myself to chuck the old template out to make place for this one. Hence the new blog. Yes, I made a blog so that the template would have a home. Maybe I am a bit insane after all.

Eh well. I guess I'll have to think of more topics to blog about. I can't just abandon my old blog nor can I let the new one go to waste. Dilemma dilemma.

Anyway, this first post in my *brand new blog* is dedicated to the Harry Potter books without whom life would be a little less meaningful.

Rant Time >:(

2008-03-28T01:16:00.000-07:00

I just got back from getting a pic taken a few minutes back. I need it for this French course thingy I'm doing. Anyway, since it's so hot outside (boo summer + extreme weather), I took a cab coz you know pics with sweaty people aren't all that nice. So I get into the cab (yeah I'm finally reaching the whole point I've been trying to make) when I see that the driver has a camera cell phone! A Nokia N Series by the looks of it. Not that I know much about cellphones in general but I think it was one of those. Yeah! A cab driver. With a camera cellphone! How unfair is that!? I mean, I'm sure he's a hard worker and all that and he earns money and he deserves the phone. But he so totally doesn't! I deserve a camera phone! I've never even *owned* one of those myself! He has a camera cell and I don't? What is *wrong* with this picture!? Everything! All I have is this crappy Moto Flip. I mean I like it and everything but does it have a camera? No it most certainly does not. Heck, even the radio doesn't work all that well and the earphones are busted. Also, it looks old. I need a new phone! A *camera* phone (oooh aaah)! But I'm broke. And my mom refuses to even consider thinking about getting my a new phone. Apparently I have a perfectly good cellphone which is practically brand new (yeah 2 years old; it's right off the shelves!) and I should consider myself lucky that I even have a cellphone and I'm not like those many children who can't even dream of owning one. Pfft!

Whatever happened to the society where cab drivers hardly knew to operate a regular phone let alone a N Series model? I miss that society where I wasn't envious of random taxi drivers. This society sucks. That cab driver sucks 'cause he has a better mobile than me. All the people who have camera cellphones suck. And they will continue to suck until and unless they send me the latest phone model. Yeah.

Stupid people. I don't like people.

Random Ramblings

2008-03-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth"

Ha! Isn't this woman absolutely fantastic!? Took the words right outta your mouth didn't she? Oh come on. Don't pretend to be all goody goody; like the kind of people who look the other way and cover their ears when someone does the *unthinkable*. You know you love to gossip just as much as the next person. Who doesn't? No body that's who. And there's no sexism involved either, nope. Guys gossip just as much as girls, whatever anyone says. I adore gossiping. It's fun! Don't judge me, it's my birthright!

And gossip doesn't even *have* to be malicious. It could be a simple "Oh Mr. A is going out with Miss X." And the reaction could be equally simple. "Oh that's cool." Or maybe it could be a not so simple "Oh my god!!! He is!?!?! How could this happen! Doesn't he *know* that he's supposed to get married to *me* b'coz I've been secretly in love with him all this while and I wanna have his babies!" Er yeah. Not so good.

So yeah my point is, gossip happens. We should deal with it, enjoy it, heck even add something to it and voila!(Damn my inability to use French symbols online!!) A boring yawn-worthy convo suddenly turned fascinating!

Yeah, I have no idea why I'm suddenly ranting about gossip. Eh well. Oh BTW all those who said Artemis Fowl is awesome, fantastico, yadda yadda were so completely spot on! I've just finished reading the 1st two and can't wait to begin the next. Artemis Fowl = <3

Ok so the <3 doesn't really look like a heart. So sue me. I didn't invent it you know. Anyway <3 = love. So Artemis Fowl = <3 = Love. Yeah. Like some sort of messed up Algebra formula.

Anyhoo this post is dedicated to balloons and their awesomeness. They just make life so much cheerier and fun!

Funny Commercial!

2008-03-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

Have a peek at this ad from Virgin Mobiles. Who comes up with this stuff!?

Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

2008-01-10T03:52:00.000-08:00

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy. - Nora Ephron

Basically, humans are just plain crazy. Yup Yup. Insane, mental, completely coo coo, nuts; whatever. The fact is that most people are in severe need of psychiatric help - some more than others. And the best place to find a whole bunch of crazies? The ladies compartment of the local train. Yeah. It's quite funny actually. Women yelling at the top of their lungs, threatening each other, shoving each other. All you need to carry is ear plugs. Maybe a weapon or two. Take for example:

Woman A's hand accidentally brushes against Woman B's hand while standing in an over crowded compartment.

Woman A: (shouts loudly) *insert abuse here*Dikhta nahi hai kya! *abuse* Dhakka kyun marti hai!

Woman B: (shouts equally loudly) *abuse* Tumko haath sambhalne ko nahi hota kya *abuse*!?

An innocent brush of the hand usually ends up with a shouting match. It also involves random women who end up taking sides and shouting right along with the original fighters 'cause apparently they just have nothing better to do than yell at complete strangers.

These women can get dangerous though. Especially if you don't know enough Hindi abuses (English ones go over their head). So just do what two of my friends did. They were in a train that was extremely crowded. They were standing near the door. A station came which wasn't theirs, but they couldn't move out of the way to let the other ladies through 'cause there was no place to move to. So everyone who wanted to get down there couldn't. Rather than incur the wrath of a bunch of trained in combat, my friends looked at an old lady in front of them, tutted in annoyed voices and said "What aunty, these people wanted to get down na." The angry ladies pounced upon the old lady while my friends got away scot free. How's that for brilliant.

Then there's this group of women who I encountered once while going to college for my French exam. I entered into the train and heard someone singing. Thinking it was the usual beggars, I look around and what do I see? A group of women playing Antakshari! Yeah, 'cause apparently that's the newest form of entertainment in trains today. Screw picking fights! Let's play Ankakshari! And to make matters worse, as I stood there trying to revise French grammar, these women decide that sound effects would make the songs sound better. So they start rhythmically banging the seats in tune to the song! Yeah, sane as anything weren't they?

The luggage compartment of the train is particularly fascinating. My mom was sitting there once when two women came in, one of whom was very drunk. At 9.15 in the morning. Yeah. She sang songs, clapped randomly and yelled for no apparent reason. When the train passed some construction workers working on the rail tracks, she called one of the men and sang in a very Aamir Khan sort of style "Eh, kya bolta tu? Aata hai kya Churchgate ko." Needless to say the man stared at her in shock and the other people in the train, my mom included, laughed hysterically.

But my favourite among the notable train incidents has to be what my mom told me two days ago. She got into the luggage compartment again that day and noticed that there were fishes strewn on the floor. Not eensy weensy bits of fishes, but a whole army of large unbroken fishes. Noticing her confused look, one of the women said that it was lucky she came in right then 'cause a slightly insane female had just gotten off. Apparently this fisher woman had come into the compartment and seeing that there was no place for her to stand or keep her fish basket, she got a little angry. She yelled (in Marathi of course) "Don't you people have any sense! This compartment is meant only for fisher women and vegetable sellers. How DARE you come and sit here!" Now obviously the other ladies were incredulous about her claim and told her in short, to shut up and stop creating a fuss. In kinder words. But that was the basic message. So what did the woman end up doing? What any sane woman with a basket full of fish would do, of course! She took huge fishes out of her bag, aimed carefully and started throwing them at the other women! True story, no jokes. My mom burst out laughing, as did I, when she told me the anecdote about the attack of the insane fisher woman. The lady who was narrating the incident asked mom what was so funny. My mom couldn't answer due to the uncontrollable laughing and all. The lady continued saying, "Look what she did. My sari is ruined!" Another lady interrupted and said, "Your sari? She threw a fish at my head! My hair smells like fish!"

If this is what the ladies compartment is like, I would love to get a peek into the general compartment during peak hours. A nice investigative report innit?

Men Versus Women - Who's Crazier!
Our reporter finds out.

Too bad I'm not brave enough to risk the general compartment during peak hours. Ah well. The End.

Kids - Love them or hate them, you certainly can't ignore them

2007-12-02T02:59:00.000-08:00

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life was all about."

"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm."
- Bill Vaughan

Is it just me or are kids these days abnormally short? Is each generation of kids getting shorter or am I just delusional? I don't know if it's because of my height or whatever but seriously, they give the term "tiny tots" a whole new meaning. That day I was walking home from the station, and I guess school just let out or something, 'cause before I knew it, I was surrounded by tiny yelling children. I felt like Dorothy in Munchkinland. And how they screeched! Ugh, felt like whacking the brats. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. But sometimes they can be... annoying. Like when they're all around you and you just want them to vanish. Or when you're trying to walk on the bloody footpath but keep having to stop 'cause some kid gets in the way who is so freakin tiny. Honestly! Three of them put together wouldn't match up to me. And when you're in a taxi in the midst of horrendously heavy headache inducing traffic, and you're just about to get past the signal and a kid decides to run across the street and the taxi has to brake to a sudden halt making you miss the green light, compelling you to wait for another 5 minutes and miss your bloody train; that's when I don't love children so much. Yeah, I'm done ranting. Anyway, that day, as I was trying not to trip over the crowd of munchkins, this girl kept running to keep up with me. She was a cute little thing, sucking a lollipop and dancing around everywhere. And there were another couple of tots racing to touch all the railings on the side of the footpath first. And as I looked at them feeling a mixture of annoyance and urge to laugh, I thought about how great it is to just be a kid. Seriously, think about it. The world is a happy place. Their biggest worry is whether they'll get that bicycle they wanted for their birthday or if they'll get to sit with their friend in the school bus or if they're gonna get an ice-cream after dinner. They don't have to worry about responsibilities and heartbreak and lack of self-confidence and all that crap. Responsibility for them is not breaking their brand new toy. Love is unconditional. Parents don't stop loving their child no matter what. Hurt can be dispelled with a hug and kiss from mommy. Fights with friends are forgotten the next day. An offended heart can be healed with a chocolate chip cookie. Do they have it good or what? Children are so fantastic and forgiving and loving and caring. And as they grow up, it all gets screwed up. Bang there's the selfish, narcissistic, indifferent adult. Wouldn't the world be such a better place if we just remembered what we were like as children? Unless you were really horrible kids and behaved like you were the spawn of Satan. Remembering that wouldn't improve matters. Like if two countries weren't happy with each other. If they were like kids, they would just throw a party, distribute sweets, balloons, cake, maybe a box of crayons and the powers-that-be (in the children's case - parents) would make them hug it out and all would be well again. Too bad countries are run by complicated, corrupt men and women instead of children. No wonder world peace is the need of the hour.

OK, I just downloaded the Second Life software so I'm gonna go try it out. Yeah, I should probably be studying seeing how my exams begin tomorrow and all. Eh well, where's the fun in doing the right thing? Right? Right. I read this acronym in the paper today. TGIF. It means Thank God It's Friday. Well, I'm gonna sign off with my very own made up acronym. HFIAM. Holy Flipshit It's Almost Monday!

...not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

2007-09-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

My EVS project's due tomorrow. Yeah, we've known about it for ages but of course, me being Miss Last-Minute-Submitter, had to start working on it properly only today. I got up early enough (at 8.20 even though I slept at 3. Nope, not late night online sessions this time. I was actually studying. Yup, shocking!) and read the paper for a bit. Ok for a lot. Come on! We get, like, 2 newspapers on Sundays. It takes time even for speedy readers like me! Anyway, as I was saying, after the paper reading session, breakfast, bath and all that blah, I sat at my PC to continue making a rough draft of the project on my PC from where I'd left off. The net had expired. I nearly got a heart attack. I harassed my mom until she called the person who deals with all the net stuff and asked him to fix it. Then I kept whining and moaning about not having the internet at the very last moment, and generally making a pain outta myself. To shut me up, she told me to have lunch; which I did. After about an hour, I sat at my comp again. No net. Whining and moaning commenced till mom called him up again. Then I started cutting the pics I would need in my project. Soon got tired of that and cheered when the net person called to say it was fixed. There's nothing that works faster than being annoying to get what you want. I sat online, and Googled for more stuff that I needed. I opened the MSWord doc where I'd saved the previously collected info and right at that instant, the electricity went off. Shock. Panic. Chaos. Now the electricity hardly goes off in my parts. Even more rare was the timing. It was just one of those days, huh? I started hyperventilating. I rushed to wake mom up. Why I did that, I have no idea 'cause there was no way she could fix that particular problem; not unless she has unsuspected of electrician skills. She promptly went back to dreamland. By then, my panic levels had reached an all new high. What cosmic forces were against me completing my bloody project?! I went back to cutting pictures. Too soon, I was done with all the cutting. Then, I did what any person faced with my situation would do. I slept.

After a couple of hours I sat to work on my project again (yes electricity was back, thank goodness!). After gathering some of the stuff I needed, I realized I needed help. That's when I started harassing everyone who was online in my messengers to help me. Only one person did. I will be eternally grateful to him! Now, I'm done with the info collection. What I'm not done with, or even begun for that matter, is to actually start writing the stuff! Yup, 20 pages of things to write and not one word's been jotted down. And here I am, writing a blog and then planning to go watch Jhankaar Beats 'cause I'm tired of sitting in front of the comp. Yeah, I'm the most easily distracted person on the face of this planet and a staller of the highest degree.

Hey, it's just a part of my charm. *blink blink*