Those retards I call friends: The Juniors Edition

Ex Facebook wife, current Facebook daughter, godmother of future children (because she's named them all), this blog post features my fabulous junior Anandita Rao!

She makes lameness cool. She comes up with toocoolforschool words [Me: I'm off! Her: Bata! (Bye+Tata)] and she makes up cooler-than-ice-cubes handshakes which make other people jealous. She's just too awesome for her boots, but she doesn't wear any so it's okay. (See even writing about her makes me as lo(o)l as her. That's the lame+cool word combo, like the ones you get at McDonald's. Also, stop thinking dirty thoughts).

We met way back when at Polaris (Blitz Krieg is cooler) last year. I was freaking out over Raj Singh Arora being there (yes) and she wasn't judging me so of course pre-friendship happened. Then we re-met at our college trip in Rajasthan where we bonded over my compulsive need of stealing milk powder packets. I shared some of my loot with her and the friendship was cemented.

Milk Powder: Bringing people closer since 2009

She is so awesome that I am officially adding her to my list of people I'd date if I were gay. The list includes a professor, Konkona Sen Sharma (who got married! Whenwherehow?) and a friend who once told me she wished I were a guy so she could make me her boyfriend. Best compliment ever? I think so.

Also, I made up a song for her. Okay so I wrote it last November but whatever.


[Must be sung to the tune of the Spiderman theme song]

Andy-Poo Andy-Poo
Doesn't like being called Anandu
Corrupts my puppets, bangs their heads,
Why can't she corrupt hers instead?
Look out!
Here comes Andy-Poo.

Lives in Vashi
Thinks it's cool
Defends it like a Vashi fool
Prefers Ad over the rest
Is in denial about Journo being the best
Hey there
There goes Andy-Poo.

Her awesomeness inspires me *wipes tear*

P.S. Now do I get a Blitz tee for free?

Dear World

Dear short-people-on-the-street,

Why are you so short? I'm sorry but it is really really annoying. Your shortness I mean. Not you personally. Your umbrellas tend to poke me. A lot. And sometimes really inappropriately. So please grow up (literally). Or at least hold your umbrellas up higher. Better yet, use raincoats. They're really fashionable these days. At least I see a lot of aunties wearing them so I'm sure you won't be ostracized or anything. Thanks.

Dear monthly-time-of-doom,

You suck. No, really. I hope you know how much I hate you. That will be all.

Dear aunties-in-the-train,

You get deodorants for Rs. 100 now. That's right, they're that cheap. That's like buying 10 packets of Lays. Or 5 bars of Crackle. Or 2 large bottles of Pepsi with money left over. Or one really cheap deo. Not that I'm implying you smell. Not all of you anyway.

Dear peacock feathers,

Is it true that a feather a day keeps lizards away? You creep the hell out of me but if you have the same effect on lizards too, I'm totally ready to decorate my house with you. Even if I do secretly believe that I was pecked to death by a peacock in my previous birth.

Dear How I Met Your Mother,

You, sir, are awesome. I didn't appreciate your awesomeness enough. But the episode where you left me teary-eyed totally opened my eyes. (Did you see that episode? With the whole blizzard thing and "We should own a bar"? And Lily and Marshall's six-pack-of-beer thing? How freaking adorable are they?! The marching band at the airport totally had me reaching out for tissues. Stop judging me.)

In other news, I've made a pact with a friend that if we're both single at 40, we're going to marry each other. And if he's married and I'm not, he's obviously going to have to divorce his wife and abandon his kids. The pact is sacred.

P.S. I'm totally saying totally a whole lot these days.

If you're happy and you know it =D

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

- Mary Hirsch

A friend showed me this video and I fell in love with it.



Enjoy if not love.

Seriously? Seriously!

So today I heard something that might just have emotionally scarred me for life.

Ekta Kapoor (yes that Ekta Kapoor) is going to produce a television serial that, get this, has been adapted from the Twilight saga. YES.

You can't even make up stuff like this.

According to an article I read (which calls them desi vampires by the way), the show is titled Fanaa and has this guy playing Sparkles. Another article reports "If sources are to be believed, Ekta's desi Twilight (a phrase I never thought I'd hear) might not get to see the light at the end of the tunnel." Before you get too excited, however, the same article goes on to say "The viewers certainly will want to see this desi version of Twilight."

Really? Really? The only people who would not block Star One are those that have recently been hit by a very large train. No, no. Those retarded books and movies weren't bad enough that now Twilight has a television series? Produced by Ekta Kapoor no less? What? WHAT!

And I thought the world was going to end in 2012.

I am goldfish, hear me roar.

I watched Glee so I'm happ-ee.

My friend is sad so I'm feeling bad.

Also, I just realized the last two lines rhymed. I'm a poet and I don't know it.

One friend of mine has the habit of saying what to do? Habits are contagious so now even I say what to do?

Today I was almost hit by a taxi, a motorbike and a cycle. Universe, are you trying to tell me something?

I want to be a student in New York. I want to teach Creative Writing to kids. Not teenagers because they're mostly annoying. But kids because they're mostly not. I want to shop. I want non-ugly rainy day footwear. I also want new glasses.

Did you watch Inception? Do you want to? I didn't and I don't know if I want to. Avatar has put me off over-hyped movies. Except Harry Potter because Harry Potter is awesome.

The paper I work for shares its birthday with Harry Potter. We have an anniversary issue coming up. We also had a birthday party. With kids. And chocolate cake. And games. And chocolate cake.

My house is under attack. Ant attack.

I also realized I saw how random a lot. Just ... not on this blog. How random. There. Happy?

I am in love with Abhishek Bachchan and nobody came to watch Raavan with me and my friend told me he died. So I hate her.

But she is sad, so I also feel bad.

P.S. If you tell me what the title means, I'll send you an e-donut. Mmmm donut. (Doughnut? I don't know.)

P.P.S. Why are goldfish so creepy looking?