Certifiable Mothers

My mom is slightly insane. Well not insane. But really really bizarre.

Watching T.V. at my house, particularly at night, is never easy. I have my Star World and Zee Cafe while mom has her Star Plus. And because I never relinquish my hold on the remote before 10, she has to resort to pestering me to switch to Star Plus whenever the commercials are on. Fair enough, yes. The other night, however, she demanded that I switch channels right in the middle of a very crucial scene in Bones. "Switch to *whatever show that was on Star Plus at the moment*," she said. "No" I replied. "What? They're just talking na?" she reasoned referring to the actors on Bones. As opposed to all the characters in her serial silently choking to death apparently. I looked at her incredulously and proceeded to explain the whole concept of T.V. shows, all the while insisting that talking plays a very essential role in all of them. I suspect she's so used to the characters bursting into tears for random reasons in her shows that the very idea of dialogue is alien to her.

On another night she proved to me that my laziness is hereditary. She was turning in for the night and I went to the other room to sit online for a bit. As I was switching on the computer, I could dimly hear her calling my name. I went back to the bedroom where she told me that I had accidentally switched off the fan too when I switched off the lights. The fact that she yelled for me for so many minutes instead of just getting up and turning the fan on herself didn't bother me. The fact that she had just been about to dial my cellphone with her cellphone to call me back to the bedroom to turn the fan back on was what I found disturbing.

There are some mothers who think their children spend way too much time on the phone and keep yelling at them to get off it once in a while. Then there are some mothers who barge into the bathroom while their child is trying to shower before college, thrust their child's ringing phone into the child's face screaming at the startled child to pick up the phone and refuse to leave even when the child screams back and swats their hand away and tries to close the door on them. Guess which kind of mother I got?

Aw mom but I love you. And not just because your kookiness is highly amusing and provides me with things to blog about.

Boo

I think my house is haunted.

No seriously; I really do. I didn't just write that 'cause it seemed like a cool way to start a post. Well maybe I did. But there's definitely something spooky going on here. I lost my glasses and a pair of jeans and after minutes of frantic searching, they turned up in the most random places. No, I didn't forget where I kept them. My memory, as bad as it is, didn't fail me then. And no, mom didn't move them either. She helped me look.

My first thought was a thief who thought it'd be funny to move my stuff around. I dismissed that notion because it's physically impossible to get into my house after the door is locked. I'd like to see any burglar try. Not that this is an open challenge for all the crooks out there; it's just an expression.

Maybe I walk in my sleep and for some strange reason move my things around. Possible, yeah.

But doesn't "I live in a haunted house" sound so terrifyingly better than "I walk in my sleep"?

rains and me = a love/hate relationship

You know how in the previous post I went on and on about the glorious virtues of a beautiful rainy day? Well scratch that; rains suck.

Yesterday I came home so completely drenched that I think I redefined the term wet. By the way, windcheaters are the most useless pieces of rainproof devices ever. Not only do they have an absurdly idiotic name, but they don't even try to overcome the stupidity of their names by being good at what they're supposed to do - prevent me from getting soaked!

And have you ever tried walking around with glasses when it's pouring cats and dogs? It's lucky I didn't wander off into the middle of the road and get hit by a truck or something.

I couldn't even take a cab home; no cabbie in his right mind would have allowed the sodden mess that I was anywhere near his precious vehicle. So I was forced to take a crowded bus where people kept glaring at me for dripping water on their otherwise completely dry selves. How is it that everyone else gets to remain dry and I don't!? This one genius thought it was alright to stand behind me and lean his umbrella against the back of my leg. Oh what the heck, he probably figured, she's already wet as it is. But I kicked it back with my shin and scowled at him after which he quickly backed away. Then there were the cars that thought nothing of splashing me merrily as I grumpily walked home from the bus stop. They also probably figured that since I was so wet already, a little more moisture couldn't hurt. Well they thought wrong! But since I couldn't just go and kick the cars, I had to frown and bear it.

However, I did watch Ice Age 3 yesterday and loved it, so I guess the day wasn't a complete waste of energy.

P.S. I kind of pity the weather forecasters but I also want to laugh at them. It's bright and sunny when they scream "heavy rains ahead!" and there's a raging storm every time they reassure citizens that it's gonna be a nice cloudless day. Ha!

rainy days and gay rights and neopets, oh my!

Beautiful weather today. Rain wasn't a useless drizzle, wasn't a full blown storm - it was just about perfect. And even though my jeans were so loose that I had to pull them up every five minutes and the rain dripped all over my glasses making me temporarily blind and people kept staring me from under their umbrellas, I still walked home from the station after college. Stare at me all you want; I have my radio and I don't care. I couldn't have taken a cab like I usually do; not with weather like this reminding me of hot buttered corn (with lots of masala), steaming cups of coffee and sizzling bhajiyas. Taking a cab home - incomprehensible! All my corn and bhajiya dreams went down the (d)rain though; not one stall was open while it was wet out. In the end I convinced myself to get ice-cream from the cab fare that I saved. Should have gotten Maggi and cheese instead. A friend introduced the concept of hot Maggi noodles with cheese. Delish!

In other news, the Delhi High Court denounced Article 377! How awesome is that! The judges clearly condemned the law and asked people to practice the equality that they preach. They also asked for the Article to be amended and that any sex between consenting adults be legalized. This is fabulous news for homosexuals across the country and for all the gay rights activists. Finally India is taking a step in the right direction, away from its dubious distinction of being included in the homophobic nations list. It won't be long now before the law is scrapped altogether. If there was a smiley for my level of excitement right now, it'd be here. But because I don't know of any such smiley, just pretend I inserted one.

Also, I signed up on Neopets again and I'm slowly getting addicted. The site is so much fun! I know it's primarily for kids but seriously, it's more fun than Facebook (and I won't get tired of saying that).

More on gay rights, addiction news and weather reports later.

P.S. What do you think came first? The fruit or the colour orange?

Must. Update. Blog.

So. Long time no post. Blame it on my lazy gene.

Anyway.

The other day I discovered that running for a train semi-dramatically with a friend which results in the friend getting on the moving train while you're left standing on the platform trying to pretend that nothing happened is supremely embarrassing.

My week also included a ridiculous sitcom moment involving 2 mental friends, me, a dog named Obama (his real name is Kaalu but what kind of a name is Kaalu? I've renamed him so many times that I'm sure he has some sort of an identity crisis but for now it's Obama), a pesky doorbell, lots of screaming, running, hiding, laughing and multiple locked doors. Intrigued?

On a completely different note, I cannot understand how Slumdog Millionaire managed to win an Oscar for Best Movie. Watching it for the second time on T.V. really makes you see the error of your Slumdog loving ways.Someone allegedly cheats on a game show in India and the cops not only beat him up but also attempt to fry him with electricity? You might as well add the stilted Jai Ho song-and-dance sequence randomly in the middle of the movie and make the flick completely Bollywoodesque. Yes I can make words up.

BTW do any of you find it strange that a sponge lives in a pineapple at the bottom of the ocean? With a squid for a neighbour, a crab for a boss and a starfish for a best friend? Just wondering, that's all.

Well ... that's about it. All updated then? Good. Now shoo.

Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.

P.S. 17 days left for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Yay!