Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Of Haunted Appliances

I think my refrigerator is haunted. By an old bipolar ghost. It keeps wheezing a lot. And it randomly decides it's tired of working and gives up. Then it starts again for a few minutes. And proceeds to die. It also makes these sudden weird noises which to a person with an overactive imagination sound like a serial killer/rapist/creepy stalker dude/Edward Cullen hiding out in the kitchen waiting for me to let my guard down. And I do not want to be murdered by Sparkly McSparkles.

Of course the fridge is almost as old as me. But that just means old refrigerators are ghost magnets.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Sweet dreams are made of these

My mom snores. That's not the problem. Well that's kind of the problem 'cause she snores loud enough to waken the dead, but I've read that most people over 40 snore so she's just a statistic. The real problem is that she's in complete denial about the whole thing. When I accused her of snoring (ha, I just typed snowing for some reason and was mildly amused by the thought of my mom snowing), she got so offended that she very maturely retorted, "I don't snore. YOU snore!" Which is a blatant lie.

Once I dreamt she was snoring so much that I woke up. And then I actually woke up because she was snoring so much. Yes. After 3 days of disturbed sleep and being called a liar, I decided enough was enough. The next time she woke me up, I reached over for my phone and recorded her extremely loud snoring. I swear it sounded like an animal. I played it to her the next day. At first she accused me of fabricating evidence. She was then suddenly so fascinated by the sound of her own unbelievably loud snoring that she made me repeat the story of how I recorded her thrice and then continuously harassed me to let her hear the recording. I had to lie and tell her I deleted it.

She claimed she only snored because she had a bad cold. Stuffed nose or not, I wasn't going to lose my sleep over this. I made her buy one of those nasal strips you see on television to minimize the sound of snoring. An utterly and completely useless contraption. I was forced to banish her from the bedroom every time her snoring woke me up. Eventually, she got over her cold, I felt bad for poking her awake and sending her outside and we made peace. Mostly because she stopped snoring.

All this was a couple of months ago. Then just yesterday, this alarming habit reared its ugly head again. Just as I drifted off to sleep, her snoring would force me awake. But I found a brilliant solution. Every time she got too loud, I would reach over for my phone and play some really loud music. This did nothing to cure her snoring of course. It just woke her up long enough for me to be able to fall asleep. This amazingly brilliant plan tickled me so much I had to stuff a bit of the bedsheet in my mouth to stop giggling. It turned out to be her bedsheet that I pulled. She made an annoyed sound and pulled it back. I then went on to accidentally kick her. Twice.

I did get a very good night's sleep though so I must have done something right.