Monday, 26 April 2010

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance

Edit: I just saw how long this post actually turned out to be. So you're not obligated to read the entire thing. Except you totally are because you'd hurt my feelings otherwise.

Mom put me on spring cleaning duty yesterday. I was supposed to clear out my monster shelf and make a pile of things to be given away to the raddiwala. Mostly because we're poor and need the money but also because our house is being overtaken by books. They're like these needy little things crying for a home and I have no space for them in my life! Well I do obviously but my house doesn't. Even though we ran out of shelf space for books a few months ago, I insist on buying new books and add them to the ever increasing pile of homeless books which are randomly dumped around the house in the hopes that someone, somewhere will take care of them. But nobody does. Until yesterday. Shelf cleaning = space = non-homeless books.

Every time we try to clear the house, mom insists on tearing out unused paper from my old notebooks and keeping them in a safe place in case I ever need to use them in an emergency. Or in college. Every. Single. Time. Yeah mom because I'm really going to scramble around looking for the papers you hid when I'm trying to take down an important telephone number or address. Or I'm going to carry sheets of paper to college to take down notes on just so I can promptly lose and/or misplace them and not find them when I really need to study or when I have a project due and only find them the next time we decide to clear out my old books and you insist on tearing out notebook paper again! Yesterday I almost had a hysterical breakdown trying to convince mom that we don't need any more paper. Of course she still mutilated my notebooks anyway and didn't even tell me where she stored the emergency papers. She never does.

I found awesomely random things while clearing out the shelf though so I'm still glad I did it.

Right off the bat I found these two books which I found so hilariously epic that I have to tell you the names.

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE - 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
PREMARITAL SEX - Morality of Dating, Courtship and Petting

And Petting!

You think I'm making this up don't you? I'll click a picture when I'm not sleepy and prove that I'm completely serious.

I also found:
1) Stationery - all of which I could have used during my exams.
2) Random bits of craft items
3) Folders. Oh the folders! I found so many I could probably start an office right here.
4) MY FYJC bus pass (for the uninitiated FYJC = First Year Junior College. Then there's SYJC i.e. Second Year Junior College. I'm semi-officially in TYBMM which is Third Year Bachelor of Mass Media. You're welcome)
5) MY SYJC fake I-card. By fake I mean they gave me a fake I-card when I lost my real one. I had to pay 500 bucks for a crappy piece of paper on which they stuck my photo. Stupid fake piece of crap.
6) My school calendar. I'm going to revisit some of my hymns later. I may or may not use them as blog posts.
7) Menus of restaurants in Colaba. I don't know why.
8) Notes dating back to SYJC
9)An envelope containing 4 Moserbaer CDs. Where were they when I needed them? Chilling out in my shelf apparently.
10) Old phone bills. Again I don't know why. Mom could have just as easily thrown them away rather than stashing them in my shelf. Then she made a big thing about how we should tear them up into little pieces before throwing them away because they have our phone numbers on them. I called her paranoid and didn't tear them up. Mostly because my number has changed.
11) Pamphlets that we had made for Cutting Chai last year as part of our P.R. strategy. Our contingent name was Chacha Chaudhary Champs. Yes, they obviously hate us. I also found a Chacha Chaudhary mask which amused me for roughly 5 minutes.
12) I also found P.R. stuff from Detour from the year before last. There our contingent name was No Parking. At least Jai Hind doesn't make its hatred to us known quite as much as Nationals does.
13) An empty photo album
14) Loads of empty printer paper. To go into the multitude of folders of course. Mom has stolen a lot of paper from her office over the years.
15) My diary from when I was 17. I read the entries and giggled. I was such a drama queen.
16) My diary from when I was 14. Slightly less of a drama queen then. And yes I had separate diaries because I could never keep up with the whole diary writing thing. I used to write for a few days and then get bored. I think I also have one of my 12 year old diaries.
17) A notebook which had a few snippets I'd written about this book series I was so determined to begin when I was 15. The whole series that I so meticulously planned was very embarrassing; so obviously I'll blog about it later.

My favourite find however was these letters and cards and scrapbook type things from my friends and my ex-boyfriend. One of the cards reminded me how my friends used to "tease me with" (it's in inverted commas because I'm not sure whether it's a grammatically correct expression but we use it a lot so I'm going to say it anyway) this boy called Calvin from our French class back in FYJC. Why? Because I'd gotten mad that he got more marks than me in one of our exams. My inner nerd pops out to say hello now and then. I read a few of the letters and laughed and awwwed like crazy. There were also these letters from my ex and scrapbooks that he'd made me too (yes, we were that couple) which I read a bit of and laughed and awwwed again.

So the moral of this story is that cleaning is not always the worthless exercise in futility I once thought it was. The End.

P.S. I probably made a lot of spelling/grammatical/logical/numerical errors. But I'm really sleepy and I'll check them tomorrow OK?

Friday, 16 April 2010

Instead of wishing it would get better, you just get angrier

How was I to know? How? How? I'm not psychic. You're not my bachpan ki dost. We don't chat on the phone sharing secrets and gossip. I don't stalk you on Facebook or any other stalkable online place. I am not that-girl-who-doesn't-know-anything.

Also you [a completely different you] did not indirectly call me a bitch behind-my-back. Fuck. You.

Anyway. Reading FML always cheers me up. And reading MLIA makes me giggle. Google both if you haven't heard of either.

And I know this was a non-post full of ranting and whining and now you're regretting you're even reading this blog and you're wondering how you landed here in the first place and deciding to never come back again ever and you're also kind of hungry [broke the overusage of the word and on the internet rule with that sentence there]. That just makes me feel bad, except the hunger part. You're allowed to be hungry whenever you want. I'm kind of hungry too. But don't judge my blog by this post ok? I have happy sunshiney stuff all over the place. My blog oozes rainbows and unicorns. Really, it does. And to make up for the rantiness, here:

Sandra Bullock: We need a big finish!
Diedrich Bader: Maybe I should take my top off.

Are we friends again?