Sunday, 26 October 2008

Five People Whose Butts Himesh Kicks

This is a funny article I read in JAM yesterday. Some parts made me laugh out loud and be thankful that I wasn't drinking something. No plagiarism intended. I just wanna share what I really liked. The credit goes totally to Chirag Mahabal, a hilarious JAM writer and cartoonist. Enjoy :-)

P.S. You totally won't get it if you have no idea who Himesh Reshammiya is + you don't live in India (preferably Mumbai).

1. Santa Claus

You can love him(esh), or you can hate him(esh) but you can absolutely not ignore him(esh). How can you when every possible mode of transport known to man has him blaring on the speakers! He's taken hold of the rickshaws, the taxis, your car's stereo and now... even the buses! He's everywhere! So now Himesh knows when you're sleeping, Himesh knows when you're awake and Himesh knows if you've been good or bad so be good for Himesh's sake. Cab Santa even compete with that kind of influence? You only tell...

2. George Bush

So what if George Bush is the leader of the biggest superpower in the world? Does he have Himesh's cap? And does it really matter that the future of India's energy problem is in George Bush's hands? Does Bush have the ability to record 76,000 songs a day? George Bush has an entire staff of strategists and writers who spoon feed his speeches and his next steps to him. Himesh composes, writes, sings, acts in, decides the cinematography of, choreographs and decides the model that is going to act in his music video all my him(esh)self!

3. Muttiah Muralitharan

Ha! You think Muttiah Muralitharan has the unfair advantage of being able to bend and twist his arm to impossible degrees in order to spin the ball? Have you seen the extent to which Himesh twists his arm just to hold the microphone upside down? Imagine what he could do with a cricket ball! In a recently conducted survey, helpless infants and adolescent children were asked what scared them more - Murli's face when he released the spinning ball or Himesh's screaming new avatar in his latest film Karzzz. The results were overwhelming. Compared to Himesh's all teeth baring face, Murali looked like a story telling grandmother from England.

4. James Bond

So what if Bond has the coolest gadgets and the suave personality? Can he turn around asfastaslightning and scream out "Drop the gun I say... DROP THE GUN I SAY!"? So what if Bond has the cool Alfa Romeo in his latest movie? Can he summon a fleet of rickshaws to his help whenever he wants? Even if it is Europe or the Sudan Terrain? And so what if James Bond has the scantily clad women? Can he dance in weddings with teenage girls and still manage not to be called a paedophile? Abhi bol! Abhi BOL!

5. Michael Jackson

Wacko Jacko has his "Aaow!" But aapdo Himesss has his never ending, glass shattering, impossibly echoing "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!" You might have heard Michael Jackson's falsettos, but have you ever heard anything even remotely as nasal as Himesh's latest album? And Wacko Jacko achieved all his fame and fortune after changing his nose at least a hundred times. Himesh has sung all his superhit songs that have broken all the records WITH JUST ONE NOSE! In your reconstructed face, MJ!